Secure Relating
Holding Your Own in an Insecure World
Using modern attachment to give and get the security you crave
“Comprehensive, courageous, creative and clear, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley expertly and compassionately guide us through a deep understanding of attachment and how to rewire our nervous systems toward more secure and fulfilling relationships. This is a cutting-edge essential read for those at any stage of the self-discovery journey who seek to make meaningful changes in their lives. A wonderful contribution to our collective conversation about how to make our shared world a better place for us all.”
–Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. New York Times bestselling author of 4 books, most recently: IntraConnected
Secure Relating offers an innovative approach to understanding and improving relationships in today's increasingly polarized world. Drawing on over 30 years of professional experience, Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP integrate modern attachment theory, applied relational neuroscience, depth psychology and systems that create insecurity. They go deep and wide and yet also prove practical tools for deepening self-awareness and navigating closeness with strength in even the most challenging relationships.
This book inspires the hard work of honest self and system examination… bringing realistic and refreshing hope at a time when we really need it!
Professionally-recommended
“Secure Relating hits that magic sweet spot – comprehensive enough to teach seasoned professionals but clear and practical enough to be useful to anyone. This is the book to hand not just to your clients, but also to friends and family members, along with anyone interested in improving their relationships. Which is to say: everyone!”
– Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone and co-host of the DEAR THERAPISTS podcast
“Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley are the therapists you wish you had. Their unique approach to expanding the world of healing and health outside of the traditional therapy paradigm is both urgent and necessary. I'll be recommending this book to everybody — just read it.”
–Liz Plank, best-selling author of For the Love of Men
“Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley present an insightful clinical approach that seamlessly combines the rich history and extensive background of attachment theory with cutting-edge neuroscience… Their work underscores the critical role that trusting relationships and interpersonal connections play in fostering both mental and physical well-being…The authors illuminate how this pursuit can be derailed by trauma, adversity, marginalization, and systematic stress…. Offering an optimistic roadmap, their book outlines a healing process to overcome these challenges.”
—Stephen W. Porges, PhD Professor of Psychiatry Distinguished University Scientist Founding Director, Traumatic Stress Research Consortium Polyvagal Theory Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotion Communication and Self-regulation
“In a wonderfully welcoming and engaging style, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley offer a deep understanding of attachment and the possibilities for secure relating. They include the science and the sense… With colorful writing and extensive real-world examples, readers develop a practical ability to recognize patterns of attachment in ourselves and others and to make changes that will benefit us, our relationships, and the larger contexts in which we are all embedded. I highly recommend this book for an enjoyable, informative, and practical read, and a journey that honors the individual and collective.…”
—David S. Elliott, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and co-author of the award-winning, Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair
“This engaging, growth-promoting book skillfully brings the power of attachment theory to the reader's personal life.”
– Alan Sroufe, PhD Professor Emeritus University of Minnesota, attachment researcher and author, A Compelling Idea How We Become the Person We Are
“It’s a terrific book… Marriott and Kelley do a marvelous job of explaining how the brain works and providing tools for secure functioning, which can hold you steady even in an era of high anxiety and division. “
“An incredibly wise and immediately useful book, Secure Relating empowers readers to improve their relationships with themselves, their partners, and their children. Marriott and Kelley’s compassionate, authentic tone, combined with powerful analogies and illustrations, takes their gift for translating clinical and research knowledge to a new level.”
–Tina Payne Bryson, LCSW, PhD, New York Times Bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child
“If you have longed for a book that explains modern attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology in engaging and accessible language, Secure Relating is it! Marriott and Kelley have given us a readable, captivating summary of the best insights from relational neuroscience, together with detailed, practical steps about how we can deepen our intimate connections and help improve the world. This book is clear, rich, humble, wise, moving, challenging, and inspiring. I’m better for having read it and am going to recommend it highly to all my friends and psychotherapy clients.”
—Stephen E. Finn, Ph.D. President, Therapeutic Assessment Institute and author of In Our Clients Shoes
“This book welcomes the reader to the nuances of our biological programmed attachment dance with wisdom about managing the bumps and crevices when the dance does not go smoothly…and life’s circumstances interfere with the security we crave… I look forward to recommending this book to colleagues and clients.”
–Carol George, Professor Emerita Mills College, author of Working with Attachment Trauma: Clinical Implications of the Adult Attachment Projective Picture System
“This book is densely packed with information about attachment security, synthesizing a variety of theories into an easy-to-understand model. It provides an in-depth understanding of how attachment works, told in a relatable manner with plenty of examples. The authors' consideration of how attachment interacts with biological, social and cultural factors is truly impressive.”
Kristin Neff PhD co-founder Center for Mindfulness Studies and author of Fierce Self Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up Claim Their Power and Thrive
“Comprehensive, courageous, creative and clear, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley expertly and compassionately guide us through a deep understanding of attachment and how to rewire our nervous systems toward more secure and fulfilling relationships. This is a cutting-edge essential read for those at any stage of the self-discovery journey who seek to make meaningful changes in their lives. A wonderful contribution to our collective conversation about how to make our shared world a better place for us all.”
–Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. New York Times bestselling author IntraConnected Executive Director, Mindsight Institute
Take a Peek Inside
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Want Resources from the Book?
Take a visual journey through the core concepts of Secure Relating to deepen your understanding of secure attachment, healthy relationships, and emotional resilience. Whether you’re looking to reflect on your own growth or enhance your professional toolkit, these images offer a quick, engaging way to absorb key insights.
