TU73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion With Dr Kristin Neff (replay)

by | Aug 15, 2018 | Episodes, Guest Interviews, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Relationships, Therapy

Show Notes

Self Compassion is an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism. 

It is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?  Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode.

Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert on Self Compassion.

Self Esteem vs Self Compassion

This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between these two concepts and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend.

Misperceptions of Self Compassion

  • It’s NOT a free pass, or being easy on yourself.
  • It can be “fierce” and “protective” and “motivating.”

Science shows that the warmth and support of self-compassion promotes health and increases the chances of success in accomplishing goals, whereas negative self talk and kicking one’s own butt doesn’t work because it creates a system of threat and self-sabotage.

Steps to Self Compassion

 Dr. Neff outlines the three elements of self-compassion:

  1. Mindfulness vs. Over identification:The first step is to be mindfully aware of ourselves and our emotions, but from a place of non-judgement.
  2. Common Humanity vs Isolation: The second step is to recognize the common humanity in our feelings and behaviors rather than seeing ourselves as the “best” or the “worst.” Recognizing that pain is a normal part of human existence, as is suffering and personal inadequacy.
  3. Self-kindness vs. Self-Judgment: Being kind to oneself rather than self-condemning, is at the core

Self Compassion as an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism

Dr. Neff discusses research which highlights the increase in narcissism in our current culture. She highlights our culture’s tendency to be competitive and to place individual value as contingent on how we compare to those around us. This leaves us extremely vulnerability to the development of narcissism and other psychological difficulties. We discuss the importance of teaching self-compassion to our children and to maintaining an active, loving presence with oneself in order to build self-value without a need to downgrade or succeed over others.

Self Compassion in our political climate

Dr. Neff speaks frankly about her perceptions of the current political climate. She sees self and other compassion as essential to help our country deal with the discord and disharmony around us.

 

RESOURCES:

Additional resources for this episode:

 

Tweet

Recent Episodes

TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined

TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined

Attachment science is one of the most empirically validated theories of human development and is considered by many to be biologically driven and universal. But how can psychological science developed by educated European scholars in the 50’s not unintentionally have some implicit bias? Join us in re-examining our assumptions about healthy child development, maternal sensitivity and attachment “insecurity.” It’s an overdue awkward and highly imperfect conversation but exactly what we should be talking about today.

read more
TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose

TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose

A poignant short story about isolation to connection. There is hope for us all – no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity as another way of looking at change in attachment. Dan Stern’s paper linked and recommended. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

read more
TU143: Fear of Abandonment and Narcissism, with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

TU143: Fear of Abandonment and Narcissism, with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins us to deepen our series on challenging personalities and to discuss the underpinnings of narcissism as it relates to attachment. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Dr. Durvasula discuss how to identify and navigate these tough relationships. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

read more

What else do you want to learn today?

Get Your Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS)Bundle

3 videos, 3 handouts, and 7 podcast episodes to get you started on your path toward secure relating.

Success! Please check your inbox to confirm your subscription and access your starter pack.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This