TU71: Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive

by | Jul 24, 2018 | Attachment, Brain Science, Emotional Intelligence, Episodes, Guest Interviews, Neuroscience, Relationships, Sexuality & Gender

Show Notes

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?

It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency. However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.

But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.

Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations.

Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly.

0:00-10:00

Introduction

General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner

Learning to talk about talking about sex

Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex

The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner

 

10:00-20:00

How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes

When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life?

How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground

Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication

Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages

 

20:00-30:00

The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies

Part of women’s fantasies is being desired

Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism

Avoiding arousal/desire censorship

 

30:00-40:00

How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources

Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting

Wrap up and outro

 

Resources

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show.

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin

 Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz

Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki

We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest!

Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice.

TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored. Please click above and check it out.

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New to attachment, interpersonal neurobiology and the relational sciences? 

Start with Episode 59-61 for the Spectrum of Attachment and learn how to use the research in day to day settings, and follow that with a apertif of Episode 66 where a single non-therapist relates how she uses this material NOT in a relationship in a hilarious feedback session where she tells us how we are doing.

Finally, be sure you’ve checked out our free video, Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more and to easily share the basics of this science and what to do with it with others!

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