TU06: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships (continued)- Attachment 101 Part 2

by | Sep 8, 2016 | Attachment, Episodes, Therapy

Show Notes

Attachment 101: Part Two

Secure relationships are what we are shooting for, with ourself and with close others. Secure relating is connected to neural integration and road maps we have internalized from our childhood. The capacity for security is within all of us no matter our histories.

Even if we did not get security as a child, we can develop into it as an adult.

There are different types of security and insecurity, and we discuss it on a continuum where we all can relate to the different modes of relating rather than only using separate, distinct quadrants. This is an important point of these episodes so that we aren’t trying to categorize or diagnose anyone in particular but we are able to use the concepts to improve our relationships:

Attachment Styles

  • Avoidant/Dismissive is a kind of organized insecurity that deactivates and by-passes distress. While here, we unconsciously need attachment, but we often do not perceive or have difficulty expressing the need or desire for others. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I’ll give you something to cry about, Lone Ranger…
  • Anxious/Preoccupied attachment is a kind of organized insecurity where we have difficulty calming down after reaching distress. We are afraid of loss or abandonment – those who identify here can misread negativity into interactions and respond accordingly.
  • There is also another category from the research, called disorganized insecurity. This kind of insecurity has most to do with loss and trauma. This is healable and the brain and body can recover by working through whatever the trauma or loss may be.
  • See Stan Tatkin. 
  • A part of us is always able to relate in the optimal level and we can keep gaining insight and creating connections so we can deepen and grow the best part of ourselves.

Special thanks to our guest psychotherapist, Traci Campbell. 

 

Resources

Additional resources for this episode:

Recent Episodes

TU158: Are You Cool, or Just Cut Off?  Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood – REPLAY

TU158: Are You Cool, or Just Cut Off? Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood – REPLAY

This is the first in a loosely organized 3 episode series on the basics of modern attachment. New season starts Nov 1. You may think you are calm cool and collected, but ask around. 🙂 This episode pairs with the next 2 in discussing attachment patterns in adulthood and are the core content from which we will pick up again Season 6. We keep learning a lot and updating our model so tune in and see where we go with it over time, okay?

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