Show Notes

100 Episodes and Going Strong! A Review of Our Most Popular and Referenced Episodes

Tune in for a review of our listener’s favorite episodes and back stories about the evolution of Therapist Uncensored with co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. This is a show hosted by 2 therapists who share the most usable science on attachment relationships, psychotherapy, and trauma. It combines both host lead conversations and interviews with top experts in their respective fields – neuroscientists, therapists, researchers, musicians, pop-culture celebrities, and so on – that share their wisdom about relationships.

Today we celebrate starting with colleague Patty Olwell, and evolving everything from our messaging, our website, our audio and editing, and our co-host relationship.

This is the last show of Season 3, BUT we will be back with new shows by early September. In the meantime, we will be re-playing some of these favorites.  We look forward to our next season of deepening our conversations on attachment, neuroscience, polyvagal theory, depth psychotherapy, sexuality, and more!

Most Popular Episodes By Everyone, Including Us!

Known as “the bundle” of attachment, these episodes summarize the attachment spectrum and have building security at their core. They are, by far, the most referenced, reviewed, and appreciated!

Episode 59: Dismissing/Avoidant attachment. Are you cool or just cut off?

Episode 60: Preoccupation in Relationships-Grow your security by learning signs of Anxious Attachment

Episode 61: It’s not crazy, it’s just a solution to an unsolvable problem – Disorganized Attachment

Other Popular Episodes Include:

*Note: listed in order of discussion plus a brief summary of the show conversation

Episode 54- The Stress Response System –Attachment Across the Lifespan

  • specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging.

Stephen Porges –  Episode 93: Polyvagal Theory in Action: The Practice of Body Regulation

  • The father of Polyvagal Theory!
  • fat led to groundbreaking shifts in our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma.

Dan Siegel – Episode 16: Inside The Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel

  • Father of interpersonal neurobiology
  • Discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders.

Alan Sroufe – Episode 56: How We Come To Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Across The Decades

  • If you’ve ever wanted to know how much you can predict a person’s development years in advance, then you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Alan Sroufe.
  • his research findings over the years and how insecure and secure attachment tendencies can develop and affect an individual through their lives.

Bonnie Badenock – Episode 83: Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships 

  • discussed how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system.
  • Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle.
  • Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state.

Patricia Crittenden – Episode 96, 97, & 98

  • One of the originators of attachment theory
  • studied under Mary Ainsworth

Ep 96: Attachment and Self-protective strategies

Ep 97: Dynamic Maturation Model (DMM)

Ep 98: Diving deeper into the DMM of Attachment – our summary


Stan Tatkin – Episode 12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good For Us

  • talking about understanding how attachment plays out in Long term relationships
  • In order to get over hidden shame, you need to expose it to safe people. 
  • Shame can only be healed interpersonally.
  • Different cultures social constructions of shame.
  • Joining in sharing shame is very powerful tool. Connecting right brain to right brain.


Popular Episodes On Sexuality

Episode 3: Different Sex Drives Are We Screwed? 

Esther Perel – Episode 46: Redefining Infidelity – On Love and Desire in Modern Relationships

Dr Susan Ansorage – Episode 71: Speakably Sexy: Communicating To Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive

Doug Braun-Harvey – Episode 42 & Episode 43: Sexual Vitality-Refreshing Our Understanding of Sexual Health

  • Discussing love and desire in intimate relationships.
  • promote ways of having a healthy dialogue with partners – deshames sexual desire differences, and
  • Research on how sexuality can manifest differently in our bodies
  • we often make assumptions based on our own experiences of sexuality…what our partner(s) are feeling and this leads to hurt and misunderstanding.
  • The rule of variability – speaking in gendered terms is not our aim – but recognizing the differences in sex drives, sex roles and physiology can be useful.
  • 6 principles of sexual health – add pleasure back into the conversation about healthy sex ,and the whole conversation changes
  • The balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health – “Sexual debut” vs losing our virginity

Headlines – Neuroscience In The News: Current Events That Bring Attachment and Neuroscience Into Our Living Rooms

Taking on current events and helping to draw out the science about how our headlines are related to attachment and neuroscience of everyday living and stress.

Episode 41: How To Handle Post Election Tensions – Tips for the Holidays and Beyond

Episode 68: Separation at the Border, Compounding trauma and Insecurity

  • Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.
  • Our podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young. It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.
  • Long term effect on these children-citizens of the world – our neighbors. If we help to breed insecure attachment, what long term effects does it have?

Episode 80: Nervous Systems in the News – Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy

  • Bringing in Polyvagal theory into such a HUGE and important dialogue- the freeze response in sexual trauma which surrounds shame, the deepening of trauma, why people hold back reporting due to shame and the misunderstanding of this in interpreting what is abuse
  • Attachment is about safety rather than secure connection-if we sense a safe, out of danger, we can then activate the present and empathetic response of connection with higher regions of our mind/body moving from autonomic nervous system to social engagement

Healing Attachment Through The Three Pillars

Dr David Elliott – Episode 34 Treating Attachment Disruption in Adults

Dr Daniel Brown – Episode 87: Treating Complex Trauma

  • Goal of our podcast was to bring this kind of wisdom and insight from scholars about treatment to our listeners and these two are invaluable!
  • Both discuss es the 3 essential ingredients of effective and efficient treatment for many clinical issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, PTSD and personality disorders.
  • Both discuss treatment on the anxious preoccupied side of the attachment spectrum (red side of the spectrum) and rectifying impaired self-development, chronic levels of anxiety, and chronic compulsive caretaking

Episodes Specifically About Psychotherapy

Dr Louis Cozolino – 

Episode 39: Getting What You Want From Therapy – The Essentials of a Therapeutic Relationship

Episode 41: The Dark Side of Therapy-Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad

Episode 7: What Group Therapy is and 5 Reasons You Should Try It

General Topics

Episode 81: How Good Boundaries actually Bring Us Closer with Juliane Taylor Shore

  • boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals.
  • “Jello wall”: Stop and slow down all the input coming towards you so you can ask, “Is this true or not true?” and “If it is, is this about me or not about me?” This allows you to view the world around you without getting hurt. Allows you space to reflect and be in your own system.

Dr. Steve Finn – Episode 51: Conquer Shame By Understanding The Science Behind The Feeling

  • Differentiating shame and guilt. Shamelessness and debilitating shame are both toxic and yet there is a version of these feeling that is quite healthy.
  • we discuss the contemporary research and the biology of this emotion and practical implications for your everyday life. Shaming and repairing is healthy, never shaming is not. Guilt is really healthy shame. 
  • Physical effect of shame and biology.

Episode 66: Lessons from the single-not-dating world on using attachment science in real life with Becki Mendivil

  • How we can impact our everyday relationships at work. Bring up specific examples of approaching your child with more delight, your coworkers etc

Episodes About Music

Episode 45: Music, Emotions and Therapy and Interview With Bob Schnieder- Love of Music

Episode 44: Your Brain On Music, How Music affects your mind, Memory and Happiness

Episodes On Parenting

Episode 29: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From a Brain-Wise Perspective

Episode 47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Tina Payne Bryson

Episode 72: Attachment Parenting vs the Science of Attachment

More General Topics

Episode 17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits: Why We Drop The Ball

Episode 88: 6 Seps to Increasing Your Felt Sense of Security

  • People seemed to really like the applicable nature of this one
  • Sit up, eye contact, gentle smile, slow down, ground self (methods) prepare and practice

Kristen Neff – Episode 73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion 

  • This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science.
  • Learn the important distinction self-esteem and self-compassion
  • one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture.
  • Treating yourself as your own best friend.
  • It’s NOT a free pass, or being easy on yourself.
  • It can be “fierce” and “protective” and “motivating.”

Tina Adkins – EP 74: Mentalizing: A Critical Component for Secure Relating 

Dan Hardick – Ep 62: The Luv Doc Dating and Relationship Advice From the Trenches 

  • irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive.
  • Doc decades of listening to the lives, troubles and fantasies of Austin’s singles.
  • Find out how people make assumptions about others and tend to overestimate themselves when finding a partner.
  • Bottom line: based on your dating profile, would you date yourself? Have fun with this one and check out his column below!

Richard Hill – Episode 67: A Practical Technique for Calm and Confidence 

  • Mirroring hands

Episode 95: Oxytocin, Dogs & Pets In General As Attachment Figures

Episodes On Mindfulness And Meditation

Kelly Insellman –

Sarah Peyton – Episode 40: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing

  • specific interventions and meditations that foster brain plasticity and empathy towards ourselves and others
  • They explore what kinds of language can we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity


Recent Episodes

The Neuroscience Behind Our Collective Dysregulation: Navigating Today’s Social Crisis (232)

The Neuroscience Behind Our Collective Dysregulation: Navigating Today’s Social Crisis (232)

We can understand our social pain by considering the nervous system, just think of it as a collective amygdala hijack!  Threat is pressing us to live in an alarm state and then we get used to it, as if it’s normal to be so divided, hopeless and disdainful to those who are holding different positions in the world. We need to cultivate secure (mature) relating to move ourselves back into a social, relational place that makes us more generous, compassionate and able to work with complexity to stay engaged to solve some of these pressing world and community issues. Keep hope alive!

read more
Hypnosis for Healing: Understanding the Powerful Science with Dr. David Spiegel (231)

Hypnosis for Healing: Understanding the Powerful Science with Dr. David Spiegel (231)

Join Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. David Spiegel as they dive into the benefits and misconceptions of hypnosis. Hypnosis is a state of highly focused attention and cognitive flexibility, allowing individuals to explore new possibilities. Whether it’s trouble with sleep, intense anxiety, or a need to break bad habits, hypnosis has proven to be an effective tool for many. Dr. Spiegel has dedicated years of research and emphasizes the importance of accessibility to hypnosis in our healthcare systems. His app R E V E R I has over 1 million downloads and allows you to rewire your brain, conquer negative habits, and achieve personal growth from home.

read more
Mind, Body, Heart, Spirit: Embodying Liberation Psychology with Dr. Shena Young (230)

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Join co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Shena Young as they dive into liberation psychology and the conflict between intuition and the traditional European model of psychology. Dr. Shena highlights embodying a holistic approach to help heal traumas and deeply root us in our most authentic selves. Whether through connections with nature and/or the exploration of ancestral traditions, this discussion is enriched with various opportunities to reconnect and liberate our mind, body, heart, and spirit.

read more
Setting Boundaries that Stick with Juliane Taylor Shore (229)

Setting Boundaries that Stick with Juliane Taylor Shore (229)

We’re back with long-time friend of the podcast and expert, Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP. As we reflect on our episode from six years ago on boundaries, we dive into new knowledge and how we can create boundaries that stick. Juliane Taylor Shore blends
her original methods like “the jello wall” with new research to share exciting and thoughtful insight on how through boundaries we can harness compassion in our relationships with others and ourselves.

read more
Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 2, Episode 228)

Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 2, Episode 228)

This is part two of a two-part series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. This episode features challenging yet important conversations on active anti-racist practices, exploration of oppression, and dismantling whiteness in mental health structures. Melody emphasizes the need for white clinicians to examine their own complicity in upholding oppressive systems and to listen to and center the experiences of marginalized communities. They also highlight the interconnectedness of healing and the power of collective liberation through rehumanizing.

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Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 1, Episode 227)

Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 1, Episode 227)

series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. We are pushing for more inclusive, anti-racist, and decolonialized practices.The conversation is  challenging but important as we explore liberation psychology that helps us recognize and unlearn patterns of thinking that are rooted in colonization and European Western education. You may not agree with everything this guest says but you will learn something and likely feel quite a lot. Discomfort is a necessary part of liberating ourselves from engrained traditional patriarchal and white supremist thinking that continues to harm so many. Don’t forget to help us reach our goal – if you appreciate TU, then please pre-order your copy of Secure Relating today & help raise the bar of secure relating in the world.

read more
A Neuroscience-Proven Expressive Writing Protocol with Dr. James Pennebaker (225)

A Neuroscience-Proven Expressive Writing Protocol with Dr. James Pennebaker (225)

Co-hosts Ann and Sue discuss this powerful tool directly with the original researcher, Dr. James Pennebaker. While expressive writing is not a simple “elixir” to cure mental or physical illness, Dr. Pennebaker has dedicated years of research and found it to be an effective method of healing for many people. Going straight for the hardest memory is hard, but replicates many techniques used by therapists yet without the cost and accessibility barriers.

read more
How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Juliane Taylor Shore – REPLAY (224)

How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Juliane Taylor Shore – REPLAY (224)

Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary-setting. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and regulation. We’ll explore the three types of boundaries, how to co-create them plus how to stay regulated using internalized relationships with the self.

read more
Believing Chronic Fatigue – Living with Long Covid, ME/CFS (Myalgic Encepholomyelitis) and Hard to Diagnose Chronic Illnesses (223)

Believing Chronic Fatigue – Living with Long Covid, ME/CFS (Myalgic Encepholomyelitis) and Hard to Diagnose Chronic Illnesses (223)

25.6% of adults who have had COVID-19 report having experienced long Covid (source). While there are a variety of symptoms and severities that come with the illness, it doesn’t
erase the physical and mental toll it can take on one’s life. In this episode, Ann and Sue take their research as well as personal experience with the illness and discuss the stigmas, advocating for your health, being a supportive caregiver, and secure relating in regards to chronic disease.

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Trailblazers in Love: Understanding & Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community with Jeff Lutes (222)

Trailblazers in Love: Understanding & Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community with Jeff Lutes (222)

We are kicking off the new year with a special conversation between co-host Sue Marriott and special guest Jeff Lutes. Both members of the LGBTQ+ community, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. While there has been some progress, the LGBTQ+ community still actively faces discrimination. Whether you’re a practicing therapist with clients in the community or have LGBTQ-identifying loved ones, this episode is for you. Through a personal and professional lens, this conversation offers new perspectives and shines a light on the significance of staying educated and being an active voice.

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TU 2023 Year in Review: Building Internalized Secure Voices (221)

TU 2023 Year in Review: Building Internalized Secure Voices (221)

We explored many ideas this year and despite the variety of topics we found a consistent theme – nurturing secure relating in an insecure world. From interviews with our oldest son on the climate crisis to the power of awe in everyday life, we were met with rich conversations and endless opportunities to grow. As we close out 2023 with gratitude, Ann and Sue look back at important episodes from this year, review lessons learned, and exciting announcements to come in 2024.

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