Show Notes

100 Episodes and Going Strong! A Review of Our Most Popular and Referenced Episodes

Tune in for a review of our listener’s favorite episodes and back stories about the evolution of Therapist Uncensored with co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. This is a show hosted by 2 therapists who share the most usable science on attachment relationships, psychotherapy, and trauma. It combines both host lead conversations and interviews with top experts in their respective fields – neuroscientists, therapists, researchers, musicians, pop-culture celebrities, and so on – that share their wisdom about relationships.

Today we celebrate starting with colleague Patty Olwell, and evolving everything from our messaging, our website, our audio and editing, and our co-host relationship.

This is the last show of Season 3, BUT we will be back with new shows by early September. In the meantime, we will be re-playing some of these favorites.  We look forward to our next season of deepening our conversations on attachment, neuroscience, polyvagal theory, depth psychotherapy, sexuality, and more!

Most Popular Episodes By Everyone, Including Us!

Known as “the bundle” of attachment, these episodes summarize the attachment spectrum and have building security at their core. They are, by far, the most referenced, reviewed, and appreciated!

Episode 59: Dismissing/Avoidant attachment. Are you cool or just cut off?

Episode 60: Preoccupation in Relationships-Grow your security by learning signs of Anxious Attachment

Episode 61: It’s not crazy, it’s just a solution to an unsolvable problem – Disorganized Attachment

Other Popular Episodes Include:

*Note: listed in order of discussion plus a brief summary of the show conversation

Episode 54- The Stress Response System –Attachment Across the Lifespan

  • specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging.

Stephen Porges –  Episode 93: Polyvagal Theory in Action: The Practice of Body Regulation

  • The father of Polyvagal Theory!
  • fat led to groundbreaking shifts in our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma.

Dan Siegel – Episode 16: Inside The Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel

  • Father of interpersonal neurobiology
  • Discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders.

Alan Sroufe – Episode 56: How We Come To Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Across The Decades

  • If you’ve ever wanted to know how much you can predict a person’s development years in advance, then you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Alan Sroufe.
  • his research findings over the years and how insecure and secure attachment tendencies can develop and affect an individual through their lives.

Bonnie Badenock – Episode 83: Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships 

  • discussed how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system.
  • Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle.
  • Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state.

Patricia Crittenden – Episode 96, 97, & 98

  • One of the originators of attachment theory
  • studied under Mary Ainsworth

Ep 96: Attachment and Self-protective strategies

Ep 97: Dynamic Maturation Model (DMM)

Ep 98: Diving deeper into the DMM of Attachment – our summary


Stan Tatkin – Episode 12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good For Us

  • talking about understanding how attachment plays out in Long term relationships
  • In order to get over hidden shame, you need to expose it to safe people. 
  • Shame can only be healed interpersonally.
  • Different cultures social constructions of shame.
  • Joining in sharing shame is very powerful tool. Connecting right brain to right brain.


Popular Episodes On Sexuality

Episode 3: Different Sex Drives Are We Screwed? 

Esther Perel – Episode 46: Redefining Infidelity – On Love and Desire in Modern Relationships

Dr Susan Ansorage – Episode 71: Speakably Sexy: Communicating To Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive

Doug Braun-Harvey – Episode 42 & Episode 43: Sexual Vitality-Refreshing Our Understanding of Sexual Health

  • Discussing love and desire in intimate relationships.
  • promote ways of having a healthy dialogue with partners – deshames sexual desire differences, and
  • Research on how sexuality can manifest differently in our bodies
  • we often make assumptions based on our own experiences of sexuality…what our partner(s) are feeling and this leads to hurt and misunderstanding.
  • The rule of variability – speaking in gendered terms is not our aim – but recognizing the differences in sex drives, sex roles and physiology can be useful.
  • 6 principles of sexual health – add pleasure back into the conversation about healthy sex ,and the whole conversation changes
  • The balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health – “Sexual debut” vs losing our virginity

Headlines – Neuroscience In The News: Current Events That Bring Attachment and Neuroscience Into Our Living Rooms

Taking on current events and helping to draw out the science about how our headlines are related to attachment and neuroscience of everyday living and stress.

Episode 41: How To Handle Post Election Tensions – Tips for the Holidays and Beyond

Episode 68: Separation at the Border, Compounding trauma and Insecurity

  • Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.
  • Our podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young. It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.
  • Long term effect on these children-citizens of the world – our neighbors. If we help to breed insecure attachment, what long term effects does it have?

Episode 80: Nervous Systems in the News – Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy

  • Bringing in Polyvagal theory into such a HUGE and important dialogue- the freeze response in sexual trauma which surrounds shame, the deepening of trauma, why people hold back reporting due to shame and the misunderstanding of this in interpreting what is abuse
  • Attachment is about safety rather than secure connection-if we sense a safe, out of danger, we can then activate the present and empathetic response of connection with higher regions of our mind/body moving from autonomic nervous system to social engagement

Healing Attachment Through The Three Pillars

Dr David Elliott – Episode 34 Treating Attachment Disruption in Adults

Dr Daniel Brown – Episode 87: Treating Complex Trauma

  • Goal of our podcast was to bring this kind of wisdom and insight from scholars about treatment to our listeners and these two are invaluable!
  • Both discuss es the 3 essential ingredients of effective and efficient treatment for many clinical issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, PTSD and personality disorders.
  • Both discuss treatment on the anxious preoccupied side of the attachment spectrum (red side of the spectrum) and rectifying impaired self-development, chronic levels of anxiety, and chronic compulsive caretaking

Episodes Specifically About Psychotherapy

Dr Louis Cozolino – 

Episode 39: Getting What You Want From Therapy – The Essentials of a Therapeutic Relationship

Episode 41: The Dark Side of Therapy-Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad

Episode 7: What Group Therapy is and 5 Reasons You Should Try It

General Topics

Episode 81: How Good Boundaries actually Bring Us Closer with Juliane Taylor Shore

  • boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals.
  • “Jello wall”: Stop and slow down all the input coming towards you so you can ask, “Is this true or not true?” and “If it is, is this about me or not about me?” This allows you to view the world around you without getting hurt. Allows you space to reflect and be in your own system.

Dr. Steve Finn – Episode 51: Conquer Shame By Understanding The Science Behind The Feeling

  • Differentiating shame and guilt. Shamelessness and debilitating shame are both toxic and yet there is a version of these feeling that is quite healthy.
  • we discuss the contemporary research and the biology of this emotion and practical implications for your everyday life. Shaming and repairing is healthy, never shaming is not. Guilt is really healthy shame. 
  • Physical effect of shame and biology.

Episode 66: Lessons from the single-not-dating world on using attachment science in real life with Becki Mendivil

  • How we can impact our everyday relationships at work. Bring up specific examples of approaching your child with more delight, your coworkers etc

Episodes About Music

Episode 45: Music, Emotions and Therapy and Interview With Bob Schnieder- Love of Music

Episode 44: Your Brain On Music, How Music affects your mind, Memory and Happiness

Episodes On Parenting

Episode 29: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From a Brain-Wise Perspective

Episode 47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Tina Payne Bryson

Episode 72: Attachment Parenting vs the Science of Attachment

More General Topics

Episode 17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits: Why We Drop The Ball

Episode 88: 6 Seps to Increasing Your Felt Sense of Security

  • People seemed to really like the applicable nature of this one
  • Sit up, eye contact, gentle smile, slow down, ground self (methods) prepare and practice

Kristen Neff – Episode 73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion 

  • This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science.
  • Learn the important distinction self-esteem and self-compassion
  • one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture.
  • Treating yourself as your own best friend.
  • It’s NOT a free pass, or being easy on yourself.
  • It can be “fierce” and “protective” and “motivating.”

Tina Adkins – EP 74: Mentalizing: A Critical Component for Secure Relating 

Dan Hardick – Ep 62: The Luv Doc Dating and Relationship Advice From the Trenches 

  • irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive.
  • Doc decades of listening to the lives, troubles and fantasies of Austin’s singles.
  • Find out how people make assumptions about others and tend to overestimate themselves when finding a partner.
  • Bottom line: based on your dating profile, would you date yourself? Have fun with this one and check out his column below!

Richard Hill – Episode 67: A Practical Technique for Calm and Confidence 

  • Mirroring hands

Episode 95: Oxytocin, Dogs & Pets In General As Attachment Figures

Episodes On Mindfulness And Meditation

Kelly Insellman –

Sarah Peyton – Episode 40: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing

  • specific interventions and meditations that foster brain plasticity and empathy towards ourselves and others
  • They explore what kinds of language can we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity


Recent Episodes

Dreams: What do they really mean?  An open discussion with Ann & Sue (200)

Dreams: What do they really mean? An open discussion with Ann & Sue (200)

From weird dream fragments to unsettling nightmares, our associations to each dream can tell us a little bit more about our unconscious. Tapping into these deeper meanings can help us explore who we are and help us navigate from unsettledness in the dream back to security. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the power of association in dreams and connect those to our inner working models. For shownotes to join our ad-free feed

read more
Exploring Internal Working Models with Ann & Sue (199)

Exploring Internal Working Models with Ann & Sue (199)

The care we receive in early development can be a strong indicator of who we become and how we interact. While it is mostly unconscious, our internal working models play a role in how we navigate our relationships with ourselves and others. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott use neuroscience and personal narratives to help make this science digestible and applicable in our daily lives.

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A Client’s Perspective on EMDR with Dr. Deborah Korn & Michael Baldwin (198)

A Client’s Perspective on EMDR with Dr. Deborah Korn & Michael Baldwin (198)

Michael Baldwin is an accomplished leader in the communications industry with over 35 years of experience. Despite his many successes, after years of suppressing his traumas, Baldwin reached a breaking point. Through his work with Dr. Jeffrey Magnavita, Baldwin’s life was transformed by the power of EMDR. He wanted to make the science digestible for all audiences and created visual “billboards” for various aspects of EMDR. After teaming up with EMDR specialist Dr. Deborah Korn, the two authored “Every Memory Deserves Respect” – a book dedicated to helping others understand and heal their traumas. In this discussion, Deborah Korn explores the ways that trauma may go unnoticed, the ways it stores in our bodies, and common fears that are expressed when beginning the EMDR process. As an experienced client, Michael Baldwin is able to provide personal and meaningful ways that EMDR has improved his quality of life, relationships, and confidence.

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What Tiny Humans Can Teach Us About Adult Relating, with Neonatal Therapist Sue Ludwig (197)

What Tiny Humans Can Teach Us About Adult Relating, with Neonatal Therapist Sue Ludwig (197)

As a certified Neonatal Therapist, Sue Ludwig has dedicated her life to not only the physical development but the emotional development of her patients. Ludwig brings intentionality to each moment by strategically working to regulate patients’ nervous systems during their time in the NICU. Her process focuses on the interconnection of the mind and body and aims to support the child’s development in vulnerable situations. She explains the importance of proper technique to avoid disrupting the nervous system, and the long-term effects on neurodevelopment. Through her personal and professional journeys, Sue Ludwig has learned the value of being present in small moments to build deeper connections and experience lasting results.

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Whole Brain Living, Psychology + Neuroanatomy + Spirit with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor – REPLAY (195)

Whole Brain Living, Psychology + Neuroanatomy + Spirit with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor – REPLAY (195)

Integrating psychology, neurobiology and spiritual awakening – this episode will inspire you as it has the 26 million viewers of the TED Talk, Stroke of Insight. Using neuroanatomy and her deep insights from a serious stroke, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor and Sue Marriott discuss the 4 interpersonal skill subsets in the brain. Also find out more about Whole Brain Living and the various ways it can be applied across the multiple settings by getting in touch with Bolte-Taylor. This a a must-not-miss replay from 2022, find more at, to get an ad-free feed and join the online community.

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Calling In the Call-Out Culture with Loretta J. Ross – REPLAY (194)

Calling In the Call-Out Culture with Loretta J. Ross – REPLAY (194)

“Call-out culture” – a term coined within the last few years, but a concept that has existed long before. With a society immersed in technology, there are many positives about the seemingly never-ending conversation, but with the increase in connection, there’s also an increase in the ability to speak negatively to and about one another. How do we educate others without tearing them down? In a divided world, changing our approach can help create social change. Loretta J. Ross, an activist, professor, and self-proclaimed “professional feminist” has dedicated years of her life to understanding how and why this culture has evolved. Follow along in her insightful discussion with co-host, Sue Marriott as they explore the intentions behind these actions, the root of the issue, and how to more effectively “call-in” without “calling out” using the “Five C Continuum” process.

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Addiction, Attachment & the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model with Jan Winhall (193)

Addiction, Attachment & the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model with Jan Winhall (193)

Jan Winhall provides new perspectives on the ways in which culture and trauma affect our navigation within the world. Using the bottom-up approach, she explains how addictions are regulation strategies and provides tools to connect deeper to our nervous systems, and ourselves. Follow along as Sue Marriott and Jan explore her “felt sense” model where she blends neuroception and interoception through a polyvagal lens.

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Attachment, Stress & Bootstraps – The Intersection of Poverty & Mental Health with Dr. Sharon Lambert (191)

Attachment, Stress & Bootstraps – The Intersection of Poverty & Mental Health with Dr. Sharon Lambert (191)

Attachment ‘insecurity” is partly a manifestation of unresolved stress patterns in the child and, by extension, the family. Therapists usually think of stress as interpersonal and dyadic, but you can’t isolate individuals from context. We talk about context a lot when it comes to attachment – the circumstances or setting which helps to understand a process more deeply. As Sharon Lambert says in today’s episode, you can’t “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” if you have no boots. Sue Marriott and Sharon Lambert discuss the unconscious bootstraps communities have that cause blame towards those who are struggling.
There is no doubt that poverty impacts physical and emotional health, and thus lifting children out of poverty is a direct intervention in their well-being. Today’s session also explores fascinating research on how people use mental health podcasts – join us! Shownotes here:

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Secure Relating, Not the Same as Secure Attachment with Ann & Sue (190)

Secure Relating, Not the Same as Secure Attachment with Ann & Sue (190)

You don’t have to be totally healed from years of therapy under your belt or a history of secure attachment to develop skills for increased intimacy and secure relating. This is something that anybody, no matter their history, can begin to learn. Channeling your inner awareness to recognize a heightened state of arousal or using visualizations to help stay in a regulated place helps tap into your right brain to connect with yourself and your humanity. Ann and Sue navigate their personal examples, self-regulating tips, breaking out of their defensive “competitive head”, and many more useful strategies to explore the ways we can move in the direction of secure connections.

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Healing Body-Focused Repetitive Behavioral Disorders with Stacy Nakell (189)

Healing Body-Focused Repetitive Behavioral Disorders with Stacy Nakell (189)

Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on the degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors in our conversation today with Sue Marriott and Stacy Nakell.

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