TU126 – What Do We Mean by Modern Attachment? Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley Discuss

by | Jul 23, 2020 | Attachment, Brain Science, Emotional Intelligence, Episodes, modern attachment regulation spectrum, Neuroscience, Parenting, Relationships | 0 comments

Show Notes

Bring attachment science to real-life, the Modern Attachment – Regulation Spectrum (and more)

These notes (not the image itself) were updated and added to June 2021.

Pausing the riches of the guest interviews, Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott are back to discuss what has changed in the attachment field.  They share what makes it modern attachment, anyway, review the science, and discuss their Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS).  They also cover best practices for getting through online therapy. Learn more at Therapist Uncensored www.therapistuncensored.com and get full shownotes here.

This episode references the Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum created by Therapist Uncensored.  Find out more about that in Episode 31 below.

TU31: Attachment on a Spectrum – Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security

Episode 126 Show Notes:  Why learn attachment theory?

  • Backed by over 70 years of clinical research in animals and people, founded and organized originally by seminal scholars like John Bowlby, Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth, Pat Crittenden, and a BOATLOAD of other researchers and clinicians working on developing and fine-tuning attachment science.
  • At its core, attachment theory is the study of how the child attaches to the primary caregiver and how those experiences shape the child’s development
  • Often this gets lumped together with a gendered understanding of the world, but it’s a totally gender-neutral science. Anyone can be or become a primary caregiver, even if the primary parent is often referred to as the mother.  Also, much of the science surrounds mothers rather than fathers and non-traditional families, culturally-imbued Western notions of parenting, but more on that at another time.

What is Modern Attachment?

  • Attachment research started in developmental psychology then expanded into many different complementary fields of research.  Basically it went from looking at infants and toddlers, then dyads, then adults, then adult dyads, and now informing adults with multiple partners, groups and communities.  Each perspective varies a bit but eventually coalesce to create a coherent and validated picture of the importance of early relationships in our adult relational lives.
  • Briefly, the first phase of attachment science included the probably familiar 3 then the 4 quadrants – preoccupied, dismissing, secure and disorganized/unresolved (the language varies and mean slightly different things per perspective, but let's just settle on those commonly understood terms).  This research began by looking at infants, and then mothers and infants.  John Bowlby and his colleague, Mary Ainsworth, are the biggest players here although they were supported by many, we go over this history in much more detail in other episodes on our podcast.
  • The science later incorporated research from adults with retrospective stories about their early life experiences that validated and expanded the theory.  Mary Main, Carol George, Patricia Crittendon (we are wildly fortunate that several luminary's listed below have been expert guests on our show. Crittendon has 2, and 1 devoted to expanding on her work) are leaders in this area, and Alan Sroufe and his team at the University of Minnesota extended and clarified these ideas by following a cohort from infancy through adulthood (our good fortune includes many of those mentioned in these notes – and there are 2 interviews with Sroufe in our podcast catalog). Sroufe's work validates that early experience sets a developmental trajectory to adulthood, but – fortunately – are changeable.
  • Social scientists expanded the ideas by looking at adult romantic couples. They also confirmed that early attachment patterns are not totally correlated with adult functioning, and exemplify how. See R. Chris Fraley, Hazan and Shaver and many more.
  • Modern attachment science also incorporates the explosion of neuroscience that began to grow in the 1990s.  It has always been a biologically informed theory, but with interpersonal neuroscience, we can now literally see inside the developmental process and fine-tune and verify the evolving theory as go.  With contributions from the likes of Dan Siegel (2 TU episodes in our catalog), Alan Shore, Bruce Perry (1 episode), Steve Porges (1 episode), Lou Cossolino (2 TU episodes), Ed Tronik, David Elliott (2 TU episodes), Dan Brown (1 in-depth episode), Dan Stern, … and a boatload of clinicians and scientists we bring this theory forward again with confidence of the tenants of the theory.  Other huge players in expanding modern attachment from scientists to therapists to a more general population include Stan Tatkin (2 episodes), Bonnie Badenoch (1 episode), Tina Payne-Bryson (2 episodes),  Deb Dana (1 episode), Bruce Ecker (1 episode), Kristin Neff (1 episode)
  • Alan Schore first coined the term “Modern Attachment,”  and has published and taught extensively on this topic.  His focus on the importance of the early right-to-right brain unconscious dance between the primary caregiver and child, affective co-regulation, and the development of the implicit sense of self led the way to integrate burgeoning neuroscience with attachment theory. His work continues and is revered.  It is also highly complex, even for seasoned therapists.
  • Your hosts of Therapist Uncensored, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley amplify the cumulative and highly complex science above and translate it so the life-changing theory and research is available to those who would not otherwise know about it, or what to do with it. We focus specifically on the clinical and real-life application so the theory becomes useful to a wide range of people, in and out of therapy or universities.  We developed the Modern Attachment- Spectrum as a model to help convey these ideas.
  • Ann and Sue also specifically move away from a focus on disorder and pathology to a more compassionate, and accurate, focus on adaptation.  Symptoms as solutions.  They have also added a specific focus on context, including culture, power, race and class perspectives so that the unconscious white Western bias of a theory that is over 70 years old can be recognized.  This model will continually update as new perspectives emerge, and they invite reflection on attachment theory from any marginalized group perspective.

    Click above to join us!

More on the evolving understanding of the mind and relationships and modern attachment

  • Importantly, our brains double in size very quickly after birth, and all that growth is constantly shaped and changed by our interactions. Your felt sense of your body learns am I safe, is my environment safe, and is my caregiver safe.When those early experiences with the caregiver go well, you’ll always have a healthy network hardwired into your body.
  • Fortunately, no matter who you are and at any age, your mental models aren't set in stone – they definitely can change. Deep personal exploration and new safe bottom-up emotional experiences can literally re-wire your brain, change your mind… and help build a new, healthy attachment system. 

Let’s talk about online therapy (ok so we got distracted… sorry 🙂

  • Online therapy is hard. It’s hard on the therapist just as much as it’s hard on the client. Neither person can feel as deeply the body based reactions that are so key to our non-verbal communication
  • So what can we do about it? And how do we integrate modern attachment theory into an online environment? Try embracing the differences of an online environment instead of trying to ignore them. Experiment with different camera set ups and feedback techniques to really ensure as deep of an interpersonal connection as you can. Pick different words to describe emotions and feelings. Or try making more explicit asks of each other during your session.
  • All in all, be true to yourself and take risks to explore the new online environment, and continue to be patient with yourself and the world around you

More content like this on Therapist Uncensored podcast:

brain neuroscience, amygdala, course

It's Not Me It's My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships

FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE's available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our shownotes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan 🙂 GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  –

And tons of free episodes:

TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates

TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates

Neuroscience of Psychotherapy Episode 36, with guest Dr. Lou Cozolino

It’s Not Crazy It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment Episode 61

Recent Episodes

Internal Family Systems (IFS), Neuroplasticity and Attachment with Dr. Frank Anderson – REPLAY (214)

Internal Family Systems (IFS), Neuroplasticity and Attachment with Dr. Frank Anderson – REPLAY (214)

We aren’t one thing and getting to know our different parts is an effective technique to deepen healing. These “parts” are metaphorical “little beings” that live in our minds and manifest into physical or emotional reactions from traumatic events. Dr. Frank Anderson has spent decades of his life studying these parts and sharing his findings to help others utilize built-in resources like their “self-energy” to navigate their own traumas. Join us as Sue Marriott and Dr. Anderson weave together psycho-pharmacology, trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and internal family systems. More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

read more
Clarity, Healing & Purpose is Less Than a Minute Away, the Power of Awe with Jake Eagle (213)

Clarity, Healing & Purpose is Less Than a Minute Away, the Power of Awe with Jake Eagle (213)

The idea of adding 30 minutes of extra meditation to our already busy schedules can feel overwhelming – but Jake Eagle has dedicated years to his research and found the mindfulness loophole. Awe is an incredibly powerful tool that can over time help us rewire our brains and build security within. Eagle is here to prove that awe is not only meant to be found in grand moments like standing at the top of a mountain or hearing your favorite musician live – but in the tiny fragments of our everyday life. Awe is accessible to us each day, and in this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Jake Eagle explore strategies like the “A Method” to incorporate mindfulness into our daily routines. These methods can help to ease the tension of the autopilot mode in our brains, reduce inflammation throughout the body, and equip us with the tools to have deeper, more meaningful connections. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/213 and join our Neuronerd community at www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

read more
In Each Other’s Care: Building & Sustaining Healthy Relationships with Stan Tatkin (212)

In Each Other’s Care: Building & Sustaining Healthy Relationships with Stan Tatkin (212)

Applying the relational sciences to real life is what this podcast is all about – and today’s guest is an expert in this area. We’ve invited Stan Tatkin to return for a discussion on secure relating and healthy interdependence. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it’s going to get tense.  That part is OK, but what happens after arguing, disconnection or tension is what really matters. www.therapistuncensored.com/212. Join our Neuronerd Community for unique study opportunites at www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

read more
You Are Kenough: Liz Plank joins to unpack the Barbie Movie, Secure Relating, Gender Roles & Patriarchy (211) Bonus Episode

You Are Kenough: Liz Plank joins to unpack the Barbie Movie, Secure Relating, Gender Roles & Patriarchy (211) Bonus Episode

The Barbie movie has sparked great controversy so we invited journalist Liz Plank to discuss. Some are burning their Barbie’s and calling it “anti-man” while others view it as a strategic call out to the challenges both men and women face on a regular basis. We’ve learned to view the world through a patriarchal lens, so when it’s flipped only then can we see how those in power mistreat those who aren’t.  This is pro-anyone wanting secure relating and mutuality – all genders welcome!  

Ann and Sue are joined by Liz Plank to dive into the symbolism of the Barbie movie and how it applies to real life and secure relating. Listen now to explore patriarchy, masculinity, and the hierarchies of our society – and important steps we can take to build security through vulnerability for a more inclusive world.

read more
Working with Attachment Trauma Using Lessons from the AAP, Failed Mourning, Disorganized/Dysregulated Attachment with Dr. Carol George (210)

Working with Attachment Trauma Using Lessons from the AAP, Failed Mourning, Disorganized/Dysregulated Attachment with Dr. Carol George (210)

Sue Marriott and Dr. George explore her inspiration for writing her new book, tips for applying the information in a clinical setting, as well as deeper dives into concepts like failed mourning and the relationship with dysregulated attachment. With her decades of research, Dr. George offers thorough insights into the world of attachment, trauma, and building security.

read more
Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue (208)

Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue (208)

We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies – preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset – it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings.  In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others.

read more
Healing Intergenerational and Ancestral Trauma with Linda Thai (Series SRIW, Ep 5, 206)

Healing Intergenerational and Ancestral Trauma with Linda Thai (Series SRIW, Ep 5, 206)

Linda Thai shares her journey of self-discovery as she navigates her own identity in the aftermath of unrecognized transgenerational trauma. She has dedicated her life to building secure relations within herself and her roots, and provides body-oriented healing using sheds light on the reality of unraveling transgenerational traumas. Through her various healing strategies, she reclaims the unresolved ancestral grief and trauma in her lineage and inspires others to look at our colonized systems through a different lens.

read more
Let’s talk about it: A Pathway for Conversations & Meaningful Change on Climate with Dr. Anna Graybeal (Series SRIW, Ep 4, 205)

Let’s talk about it: A Pathway for Conversations & Meaningful Change on Climate with Dr. Anna Graybeal (Series SRIW, Ep 4, 205)

Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Anna Graybeal discuss the necessary steps to building security and embracing tough conversations within our communities. This conversation takes a scientific and therapy-based approach to guide us toward the big emotions around these topics and equips us with the tools to cope with uncertainties, and an opportunity to learn how to harness healthy discussions around the climate crisis. When we can address the resistance within ourselves, we can use that as fuel to unite and heal our planet, our well-being, and our relationships.

read more
Racial Trauma: Challenges to Traditional Therapy, Part 2 of 2 (SRIW Series, Ep 3, 204)

Racial Trauma: Challenges to Traditional Therapy, Part 2 of 2 (SRIW Series, Ep 3, 204)

This a continuation of our previous discussion with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley where we explore other lasting effects of racial trauma. From the challenges of parenting with an unresolved trauma history to navigating day-to-day as a person of color, they use group therapy as an opportunity to make space for women to vocalize their pain and build community. Gliceria and Debra share personal stories and real-life examples of microaggressions and discrimination and offer insightful ways white individuals can acknowledge their privilege and cultivate an inclusive community.

read more
Navigating Racial Trauma & Identity with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley Part 1 (SRIW Series, Ep 2, 203)

Navigating Racial Trauma & Identity with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley Part 1 (SRIW Series, Ep 2, 203)

This is part of the series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World AND the first of a 2-parter on racial trauma! BIPOC therapists tell the truth about their experiences – from corporate America to working in child protective services, this discussion is full of painful yet unfortunately common experiences of discrimination, intimidation, and blatant inequality. Gliceria Perez and Debra Chatman-Finley join Sue Marriott as they teach white therapists what it’s like for clients of color. They also model how to embrace these tough conversations to create a safe space in our communities. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

read more

What else do you want to learn today?

Get Your Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS)Bundle

3 videos, 3 handouts, and 7 podcast episodes to get you started on your path toward secure relating.

Success! Please check your inbox to confirm your subscription and access your starter pack.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This