TU88: 6 Steps to Building Security & Self-Confidence You Can Do On Your Own

Building self-confidence and inner security on your own can seem nearly impossible, so for today we are ditching the heady theoretical neuroscience to break down 6 quick tips to improve self-confidence entirely on your own. It’s science-based but we focus on the actionable.   

You’ll discover how this handful of practical steps for self-confidence can vastly improve the way you feel internally and the way you carry yourself externally.

Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott co-host this show to bring the science of relationships to the world in an accessible and practical format!

In this episode, we discuss action, not theory, for self-confidence:

• Tip 1: Sit up – Focus on your posture, pull your shoulders back and bring your body up. Breathe in and think of standing like a soldier, not collapse like a rag doll. This alone can bring a cascade of new internal experiences. Try it.
• Tip 2: Make eye contact even if scares the shit out of you – Look straight ahead, lift your head up and make gentle eye contact with anyone around you, whether you know them or not. Eyes produce gabba and oxytocin. Try and actually see others. Gently hold it with those you know and those you don’t, meet them. Experiment!
• Tip 3: Don’t be creepy w/ this one, esp if coupled with the two above 🙂 but practice a tiny, gentle internal smile – This smile is mostly internal but it will relax your face and actually evoke calming neurotransmitters that signal safety in your body. (And signal availability for others to approach you. Cool perk!)
• Tip 4: Go slower – Slow down your metronome. If you’re speaking rapidly, you’re broadcasting your internal state probably anxiety or pressure. Take a breath and slow down. You’ll end up speaking more directly and come off more confident. Sue presents her “1-3-5-7” scale for approaching someone and navigating an impromptu conversation. Stay engaged and don’t do what most people do and give up after your first approach.
• Tip 5: Learn to ground or center yourself, use the tree method. Become the trunk not the branches, have roots. Become aware of the present moment. Who are you inside yourself? Can you feel that?
• Tip 6: Prepare and practice – These things won’t be natural unless you actively implement them on a frequent basis and you can practice them pretty much anywhere. You can actually make your brain calm down by taking a deep breath and relaxing your body over a twenty second period. Let your brain do a hertz sweep to see how you are
• doing and fake relax, this will signal your body that it is actually safe to really relax. 🙂

Want different perspectives related to this episode?

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-saidshe-said/201210/be-in-the-moment-feel-more-secure
• https://tinybuddha.com/blog/8-ways-to-be-more-confident-live-the-life-of-your-dreams/

Enjoying the podcast? Then you’ll definitely enjoy this previous episode as well! It’s neuro-nerdy, but if you are up to it, and especially if you want IN DEPTH training on psychology and attachment, click here:  Treating complex trauma and attachment with Dr Daniel Brown

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