TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection

by | Mar 1, 2019 | Attachment, Brain Science, Episodes, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Relationships

Show Notes

Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new? There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make. Kids are naturally curious. As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered! What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have? Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems.

In this episode of Therapist Uncensored:

co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective!

Why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?!

Childlike Wonder:

  • Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable.

Being “In the Know” vs “In the Unknown”

  • When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain.

The neuroscience of curiosity

  • A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand.

Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety

  • How does our attachment style affect our experience?
  • If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum?
  • If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious.
  • If we’re on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity?

People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested.

You get to be curious about your therapist.

Tips to cultivate curiosity:

  • Train your brain
  • Be aware of what’s happening in your body
  • Recognizing judgment
  • Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure.
  • Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions.
  • Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together.
  • Cultivate wonder and awe.

To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to:

TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off?

TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment

TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment

TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates

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Recent Episodes

TU158: Are You Cool, or Just Cut Off?  Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood – REPLAY

TU158: Are You Cool, or Just Cut Off? Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood – REPLAY

This is the first in a loosely organized 3 episode series on the basics of modern attachment. New season starts Nov 1. You may think you are calm cool and collected, but ask around. 🙂 This episode pairs with the next 2 in discussing attachment patterns in adulthood and are the core content from which we will pick up again Season 6. We keep learning a lot and updating our model so tune in and see where we go with it over time, okay?

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