Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World
Bridging science with actionable insights for daily life & clinical practice.
Endorsed by leading attachment researchers –
yet fun to read!
Available now!
What is the podcast, the book and the community all about?
The science is clear and hopeful – and we believe everyone deserves access to it. Working alongside leading experts, we translate complex relational sciences and depth psychology into practical tools that help uncover your authentic self (believe us, your people will be so happy!).
Our approach helps you recognize and update unconscious patterns, creating profound changes in your mind, relationships, parenting, and professional life.
LISTEN TO THE LATEST EPISODE
What People Are Saying About Therapist Uncensored
Over Eleven million+ downloads (what?!)
Apple-Ranked Top 10 Social Science Podcast in U.S.
Top 50 Science Podcast in 75 countrieS
featured Guests
We bring you world-reknown guest experts, as well as outside-the-choir voices, so you may have direct access to updated theory and fresh ideas as they come.
Featured guests include the smartest minds in the relational sciences.
Joseph LaDeux
Arielle Schwartz
Jill Bolte-Tayl0r
Terry Real
Laurel Parnell
Bruce Perry
Kristen Neff
Lou Cossolino
Bonnie Badenoch
Pat Crittendon
Dan Siegel
David Elliott
Ellyn Bader
Dan Brown
Pat Ogden
Esther Perel
Bruce Eckert
Alan Srouf
Nancy McWilliams
Peggy Orenstein
Steve Porges
Tina Payne-Bryson
Deb Dana
Stan Tatkin
Lori Gottlieb
And many, many more deep thinkers and fabulous minds that we interview both to bring you their work, and to continuously integrate new and trusted perspectives into our own thinking and theory of what actually works to heal people.
Stan Tatkin
Steve Finn
Alphonso Appleton
Ellyn Bader
Dan Brown
Jules Shore
Liz Plank
Bonnie Badenoch
Sarah Peyton
Aby Blakely
Deb Dana
Doug Braun-Harvey
Tina Atkins
L Brookins
Pam Greenstone
Robyn Gobbel
Linno Rhodes
The Science of Psychotherapy's Becki Mendivil
Susan Ansorge
Bob Schneider
What do you want to learn today?
This is an excellent resource to dig up all kinds of stuff you may be interested in – be sure and check out shownotes to each episode they are loaded! Try it!
Online Premium Community
We keep the podcast cost-free to provide full access to anyone interested (we are heard in over 200 countries). We also offer a private online community we affectionately call our Neuronerds. By joining for as little as $5 per month, you get an ad-free podcast feed, access to unique connections and educational opportunities and discounts on things we produce – including fun therapy bling. Most importantly to us, you help us provide mental health access to those traditionally left behind.
Candid unscripted conversations rooted in modern attachment and the newly emerging sciences of the mind will deeply inform, entertain and even surprise you.
Learn how to outsmart your biology and improve your relationships with others.
The podcast is always free so that it is accessible to everyone, but if you are able to join our Premium Community, you will help us support mental health access to those traditionally left behind. You'll receive an ad-free podcast feed, discounts on educational opportunties we offer and fun therapy bling,
Most Recent Episodes
Family Estrangement, Spiritual Harm & the Ethics of AI in Therapy with Matthias Barker (255)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:57 — 139.5MB)
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Ann and Sue, alongside psychotherapist Matthias Barker, unpack the complexities of parent-child estrangement and the often-overlooked generational gaps that shape how families navigate conflict. Matthias discusses the deep wounds that spiritual harm can leave behind, and also expands into broader themes of spirituality. With the emerging presence of AI, they open the conversation to the ethical challenges of the technology and creating meaningful change, whether in family dynamics or the future of mental health care.
2024 Reflections: Growth, Connection & Celebrating Community (254)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 54:38 — 125.1MB)
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As we close out another year, Ann and Sue take time to reflect on 2024 while sharing some exciting opportunities for the year ahead. The Vitality Series is an exciting new endeavor, where they emphasize creating safe spaces for dialogue, navigating tough emotions, and bringing therapeutic concepts into everyday life. With an honest look at shame, vulnerability, and the challenges of personal growth, they explore how connection can empower both individuals and communities. Along the way, they celebrate the milestones of their podcast, emphasize the importance of self-reflection,
and highlight the role of supportive networks in fostering meaningful change.
Embodied Dying: Embracing the Sacred Union Between Life & Death (253)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 51:23 — 117.6MB)
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Lee Warren shares her experience of living in an intentional community and how it opened the door to exploring tantra and the sacredness of death. Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, they explore tantra as a way to connect with the divine within ourselves and others, using tools like breath, sound, and movement to navigate the energy in our bodies. They also discuss death as a sacred process and the importance of preparing for it—both practically and spiritually. Learn how tantra and death preparation share a common goal: helping us embrace the impermanence of life and find joy in the present moment.
The Power of Acceptance & Commitment (ACT Therapy) with Dr. Diana Hill (252)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:01:42 — 141.2MB)
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Dr. Diana Hill and co-host Dr. Ann Kelley explore the power of process-based therapy to improve relationships and wellbeing. Through various methods like the 6 principles of ACT, the understanding of values, and the family body analogy, they use their personal and professional experience to discuss ways to help resolve conflict and find deeper connection through secure relating. Learn ways to tap into your most deeply connected self to move forward through life's challenges and nurture healthy relationships.
AEDP Therapy: Engaging with Emotions & Experiences with Dr. Diana Fosha (251)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:09 — 137.7MB)
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Sue Marriott and Diana Fosha explore the key principles of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) and its transformative impact on the field. AEDP begins with the premise of “healing from the get-go,” and fostering change from the first session. It emphasizes “undoing aloneness” by building a supportive therapeutic relationship, while encouraging clients to engage deeply with emotions. Join us as we highlight techniques like metatherapeutic processing, where clients reflect on their healing experience, and integrating neuroscience into clinical practice.
Secure Relating & the Election: Fostering Connection in Political Division (249)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 53:51 — 123.3MB)
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The political events in the United States have been a major contributor to our anxieties these past years, and with our significant presidential election looming over us this week – Ann and Sue are here to talk about the hard things. While the world feels unpredictable on the outside, one thing we can do is focus on the intricate relationship between our nervous systems and the emotional responses triggered by political events. They discuss how fear and anxiety are often manipulated through political rhetoric, leading to division and polarization, the importance of understanding how personal relationships amidst these tensions
are emphasized, and the need for secure relating and accountability from leaders. There is power in recognizing the complexity of political opinions and the necessity of maintaining open dialogue to foster connection rather than division. Join us as we explore how to navigate differences, the importance of empathy and community, and the need for resilience during uncertain times.
LIVE from KUYA Wellness: A Discussion on Secure Relating & Tough Conversations (248)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:21 — 170.2MB)
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Alongside Pam Benson Owens, Ann and Sue explore a variety of topics with a live audience at the KUYA Wellness center in Austin, TX. Referencing their book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, they delve into the neuroscience behind relationships, discussing attachment styles and emotional regulation, and emphasize the importance of creating safe spaces for dialogue. They highlight the significance of understanding generational trauma and the complexities of navigating relationships in a diverse society. Through personal stories and insightful discussions, they shine a light on the power of self-awareness, encouraging listeners to explore their own emotional landscapes with compassion and curiosity. Learn how creating safe spaces for open dialogue can deepen connections, while understanding the role of pauses and curiosity in everyday conversations.
New Frontiers of Adult ADHD James Ochoa (247)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 56:49 — 130.1MB)
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James Ochoa and co-host Sue Marriott explore the different subtypes of ADHD, and the impact on adults who are navigating a diagnosis later in life. As an ADHD expert, Ochoa shares insights on the emotional and mental stress that accompanies ADHD, as well as provides different techniques for managing symptoms. With an emphasis on the importance of self-care, communication, and personalized strategies, he provides resources and training for adults with ADHD, professionals who work with ADHD clients, and family members of individuals with ADHD.
Challenging Defenses: An Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTS): (246)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 55:08 — 126.2MB)
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Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley discuss Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTs) with experts Margaret Martin and Dr. Deb Pollack. These therapies focus on recognizing and challenging defenses that lead to
problems both internally and relationally. Learn the difference between defenses that feel right (Egosyntonic) and those that don't (Egodystonic) and why it's important to work against them for change. This episode is a deep dive into the role of EDTS in couples' therapy, and highlights the need for an integrated approach to address underlying trauma, plus much more!
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Meet Your Cohosts
SUE MARRIOTT, LCSW, CGP & ANN KELLY, Ph.D.
Ann Kelley Ph.D. (she/her/hers) and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP (he/her/hers) are experienced licensed therapists that provide candid and focused education to help you bring awareness to the unconscious patterns in your life that get in your way.
As out, gay married co-hosts they bring in humor and personal insights of the cringy struggle to try to function more securely as a couple, and in the world. They also provide state of the art education, clinical insights, summaries of complex science and their own developed reflections on how to grow through these life-long patterns.
No matter what your history or what your age, there is hope to keep developing your secure self, which helps grow closeness with those you love.
Meet Your Cohosts
SUE MARRIOTT, LCSW, CGP & ANN KELLEY, Ph.D.
Ann Kelley Ph.D. (she/her/hers) and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP (she/her/hers) are experienced licensed therapists that provide candid and focused education to help you bring awareness to the unconscious patterns in your life that get in your way.
As married co-hosts they bring in humor and personal insights of the cringy struggle to try to function more securely as a couple, and in the world. They also provide state of the art education, clinical insights, summaries of complex science and their own developed reflections on how to grow through these life-long patterns.
No matter what your history or what your age, there is hope to keep developing your secure self, which helps grow closeness with those you love.
Deepen your relationships and demystify your own interpersonal blocks by learning how to use the sciences of the mind.
We want to help each of you become a little more secure, not as a feeling but as a neurological fact. If you are interested in learning how to outsmart your biology and transform into the most relational and confident version of you, then you are our people.
Our audience is intentionally wide- it includes everyone from seasoned therapists, students in the field, other professions that can benefit from knowing how to deeply understand people, those injured by early relationships, and those life-long learners interested in staying abreast and helping make the world a little more secure.