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Ann and Sue get into the nitty gritty by bringing you a short series of conversations on the uncomfortable truth about normal human defenses.
Whether you're receiving hard professional feedback or facing a challenging discussion in your relationship – nobody enjoys those cringy feelings of being told something you don't know or agree with about yourself. Often these moments trigger an automatic neurobiological protection response in the cells dedicated to protecting us from threat. No human doesn't have this problem at the most fundamental level – so this series will break it down for exploration.
This is the first episode in a five-part series where Ann and Sue take a deep dive into various kinds of frequently used defenses. They discuss how to become more conscious of which state of mind you may be in – protective circuits or connection circuits and how to sort out what to do if in the armored range.
The 3 R spiral of change is a process that can help you reconnect and reground yourself in moments of stress. Identifying the ways you display this discomfort is a great first step in creating that shift from our automatic default responses to a more connected state where we can be present within ourselves and our relationships.
We all get defensive
“Nobody's died from a feeling. You're going to have them – maybe you'll feel embarrassed or ashamed, or unfairly done to.. but the feeling itself is only 90 seconds, after that it's all story. Feelings are going to have a beginning and a middle and an end, so just ride them out and they will change, morph, eventually subside. You don't have to ‘do' anything. It'll pass. You are gonna be okay.'” – Sue Marriott
Time Stamps
2:52 – Three R spiral of change – recognition, reflection, rewiring
9:46 – The last R: “Rewiring”
18:42 – The first stage of self-awareness, waking up and stopping our projections
26:54 – One of the key ingredients to self-awareness
28:53 – The difference between self-care and stubbornness
30:54 – Different types of self-awareness
36:00 – “Don't do this” when receiving feedback
40:08 – Tips and recommendations for mindfulness
CLICK HERE for Defense Series – Part 1 Transcript – Episode 183 – Lightly edited for readability
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