TU155: Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive with Dr. Susan Ansorge REPLAY

by | Aug 31, 2021 | Attachment, Brain Science, Emotional Intelligence, Episodes, Guest Interviews, Neuroscience, Relationships, Sexuality & Gender | 0 comments

Show Notes

Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive with Dr. Susan Ansorge

Dr. Susan Ansorge

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk about? We're diving into it in this replay episode so get ready. We're talking about all things sex and overcoming fears communicating about it. It turns out if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency. However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack thereof), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack thereof), and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well. But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.

Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations.

Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training, and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also a member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly.

0:00-10:00

General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner

Learning to talk about talking about sex

Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex

The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner

10:00-20:00

How best to get a dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes

When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life?

How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground

Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication

The difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages

20:00-30:00

The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and the element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies

Part of women’s fantasies is being desired

Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism

Avoiding arousal/desire censorship

30:00-40:00

How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources

Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting

Wrap up and outro

Resources

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, a former guest on our show.

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin

 Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz

Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki

 

Want more like this?

TU03: Different Sex Drives – Are We Screwed?

TU35: Sexuality From A Neurobiological Perspective

TU:80 Nervous Systems in the News: Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy

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