TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson

by | Apr 18, 2017 | Attachment, Brain Science, Episodes, Guest Interviews, Parenting, Relationships

Show Notes

Let's Talk Parenting…

In this episode co-host Sue Marriott interviews attachment expert Tina Payne Bryson about the real challenges of staying attuned and connected while raising children. It’s a no-nonsense conversation that offers parents practical steps to increase the odds of raising secure kids. For child-free individuals it’s also a great conversation about what we needed but may not have gotten, so it’s a good listen for those needing to develop more self-empathy.

We discuss how to stay curious, peel back the layers and recognize the behavior as communication.Tina Payne Bryson explains the problem with Time Out, and what to do instead.

Then we discuss how to move out of reactive states of mind in order to be ready to teach (discipline) your child, and how to help your child be ready to receive (learn from) our highly valuable feedback. 🙂

In addition we cover ruptures and repairs, and the gap between over and under-invested parents.

Practical ideas such as the 4 S’s: safe, secure, seen and soothed are explained.

We end with two key pieces of advice for all parents – soothe your child especially when they are in heightened distress (read: often when they are behaving badly), and soothe yourself as needed (balancing autonomy and connection is a sign of security).

Finally, listeners are advised to keep challenging what you think you know!

 

RESOURCES:

Additional resources for this episode:

Recent Episodes

AEDP Therapy: Engaging with Emotions & Experiences with Dr. Diana Fosha (251)

AEDP Therapy: Engaging with Emotions & Experiences with Dr. Diana Fosha (251)

Sue Marriott and Diana Fosha explore the key principles of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) and its transformative impact on the field. AEDP begins with the premise of “healing from the get-go,” and fostering change from the first session. It emphasizes “undoing aloneness” by building a supportive therapeutic relationship, while encouraging clients to engage deeply with emotions. Join us as we highlight techniques like metatherapeutic processing, where clients reflect on their healing experience, and integrating neuroscience into clinical practice.

read more
Secure Relating & the Election: Fostering Connection in Political Division (249)

Secure Relating & the Election: Fostering Connection in Political Division (249)

The political events in the United States have been a major contributor to our anxieties these past years, and with our significant presidential election looming over us this week – Ann and Sue are here to talk about the hard things. While the world feels unpredictable on the outside, one thing we can do is focus on the intricate relationship between our nervous systems and the emotional responses triggered by political events. They discuss how fear and anxiety are often manipulated through political rhetoric, leading to division and polarization, the importance of understanding how personal relationships amidst these tensions
are emphasized, and the need for secure relating and accountability from leaders. There is power in recognizing the complexity of political opinions and the necessity of maintaining open dialogue to foster connection rather than division. Join us as we explore how to navigate differences, the importance of empathy and community, and the need for resilience during uncertain times.

read more
LIVE from KUYA Wellness: A Discussion on Secure Relating & Tough Conversations (248)

LIVE from KUYA Wellness: A Discussion on Secure Relating & Tough Conversations (248)

Alongside Pam Benson Owens, Ann and Sue explore a variety of topics with a live audience at the KUYA Wellness center in Austin, TX. Referencing their book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, they delve into the neuroscience behind relationships, discussing attachment styles and emotional regulation, and emphasize the importance of creating safe spaces for dialogue. They highlight the significance of understanding generational trauma and the complexities of navigating relationships in a diverse society. Through personal stories and insightful discussions, they shine a light on the power of self-awareness, encouraging listeners to explore their own emotional landscapes with compassion and curiosity. Learn how creating safe spaces for open dialogue can deepen connections, while understanding the role of pauses and curiosity in everyday conversations.

read more
New Frontiers of Adult ADHD James Ochoa (247)

New Frontiers of Adult ADHD James Ochoa (247)

James Ochoa and co-host Sue Marriott explore the different subtypes of ADHD, and the impact on adults who are navigating a diagnosis later in life. As an ADHD expert, Ochoa shares insights on the emotional and mental stress that accompanies ADHD, as well as provides different techniques for managing symptoms. With an emphasis on the importance of self-care, communication, and personalized strategies, he provides resources and training for adults with ADHD, professionals who work with ADHD clients, and family members of individuals with ADHD.

read more
Challenging Defenses: An Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTS): (246)

Challenging Defenses: An Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTS): (246)

Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley discuss Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTs) with experts Margaret Martin and Dr. Deb Pollack. These therapies focus on recognizing and challenging defenses that lead to
problems both internally and relationally. Learn the difference between defenses that feel right (Egosyntonic) and those that don’t (Egodystonic) and why it’s important to work against them for change. This episode is a deep dive into the role of EDTS in couples’ therapy, and highlights the need for an integrated approach to address underlying trauma, plus much more!

read more
Liberating Marginalized Couples from Relational and Systemic Trauma with Akilah Riley-Richardson (245)

Liberating Marginalized Couples from Relational and Systemic Trauma with Akilah Riley-Richardson (245)

Sue Marriott and Akilah Riley Richardson dive into a compelling discussion about the vital need to center marginalized voices in therapy. They explore how Western perspectives have shaped therapy practices globally, often overlooking diverse cultural approaches. Akilah brings a fresh, challenging perspective to the table. She pushes for a real shake-up in how we approach therapy, especially when working with marginalized couples. It’s not just about tweaking existing methods – she’s calling for a fundamental rethinking of our assumptions.
The conversation tackles some heavy topics, from unpacking the concept of relational privilege to developing strategies that help couples see beyond their individual struggles to the bigger picture of systemic trauma. It’s eye-opening stuff.  What really stands out is their focus on the deep impact of systemic trauma. They don’t just acknowledge it – they dig into why it’s so crucial for therapists to truly understand and address it in their work.
Ultimately, this discussion isn’t just academic. It’s a call to action for therapists to step up, broaden their perspectives, and find new ways to help couples break free from systemic constraints. It’s about empowering relationships and, in the process, maybe changing the face of therapy itself. Get it ad-free: www.therapistuncensored.com/join Go to shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/tu245.

read more
Therapeutic Psychedelics: Discernment, Science, and the Need for Theory with Nigel Denning (244)

Therapeutic Psychedelics: Discernment, Science, and the Need for Theory with Nigel Denning (244)

Australia is ahead of the US when it comes to legalizing psychedelics, so we can learn from their experience as it rolls out. Exploration of psychedelic-assisted therapy – the efficacy, skepticism, and the future of state-change therapeutics with Nigel Denning. shownotes: www.therapistuncensored.com/tu244 www.therapistuncensored.com/join

read more
Improv: Fostering Connection in Challenging Conversations (243)

Improv: Fostering Connection in Challenging Conversations (243)

Dr. Ann Kelley and Lisa Kays discuss how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. They examine white supremacy culture and show how improv values like collaboration, slowing down, and embracing complexity can challenge these norms. Improv fosters creativity, playfulness, and self-reflection to help reduce defensiveness and strengthen relationships in everyday life, at work, or in our closest relationships. By creating a supportive, collaborative environment, improv deepens connections and helps people tap into a wider range of emotions.

read more
Protection or Connection? Neural Pathways & Regulation Basics – Replay (242)

Protection or Connection? Neural Pathways & Regulation Basics – Replay (242)

Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating. With the high tension we’re experiencing in the world today, it can feel particularly challenging to practice secure relating. We are re-sharing one of our impactful episodes where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott explore the inner workings of our nervous system auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection.

read more
Journey to Self-Discovery: Navigating Identity & Mental Health as a Korean American Immigrant Hyeseung Song (241)

Journey to Self-Discovery: Navigating Identity & Mental Health as a Korean American Immigrant Hyeseung Song (241)

Dr. Ann Kelley and Hyeseung Song, a first-generation Korean American discuss Hyeseung’s experiences growing up as an Asian minority in America, touching on topics like racial stereotypes, assimilation, and the model minority myth .Hyeseung shares her journey of finding her voice and identity, highlighting the mental health challenges of navigating between cultures.

read more
Addiction, Attachment & the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model with Jan Winhall – Replay (240)

Addiction, Attachment & the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model with Jan Winhall – Replay (240)

Enjoy this replay episode with Jan Winhall, as we explore how our bodies can guide us towards healing and growth through the
concept of “felt sense.” This approach integrates neuroscience and focuses on our innate ability to perceive and respond to our experiences. Winhall’s work challenges conventional views on navigating challenges influenced by culture and trauma.

read more
Episode Swap: Secure Relating with Ann & Sue on The Baffling Behavior Show (239)

Episode Swap: Secure Relating with Ann & Sue on The Baffling Behavior Show (239)

One of the many incredible aspects of this community are the people we are able to connect and learn with, like Robyn Gobbel.
She is a licensed social worker, podcast host, keynote speaker, writer, trainer & consultant – and even host launch this spring. This episode, Ann and Sue joined her on her podcast, “The Baffling Behavior Show”, to talk about secure relating.

read more

What else do you want to learn today?

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This