Mistaken Assumptions to Re-Examine for Relational Connection w Ann and Sue (188)

by | Oct 4, 2022 | Defense Systems, Episodes, Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationships, Therapy | 0 comments

Show Notes

Do you have intimacy hiccups? Let's find out.

Ann and Sue were on a role w disarming defenses so while this one isn't technically in that 5 part series, let's call it a hanger-on.
OK, an important question: how you make a tuna sandwich. We are sure your way is awesome but…
Unless we think about it contextually, we believe our tuna technique is simply the “right” way.  This is true relationally, so how do we recognize interpersonal assumptions that we've never examined when they just seem like they are true and right?  When we make assumptions we literally don't know we are doing it because it just seems true. While having assumptions can sometimes be considered a way to keep us safe, they also can be a strong influence on our “intimacy hiccups”.

Assumptions block our view of seeing the whole perspective and equip us with a bias that can make our relationships difficult to navigate. Receiving feedback could become an assumption that you're under attack or not worthy, and can heighten our defenses. Whether your “moral compass” may get in the way, your assumptions form from cultural influence, or you even feel avoidant of those tougher conversations and just assume the other person is on the same page – no matter which defense resonates with you, this episode will probably hit on something relevant for you. Ann and Sue challenge you to just reconsider so you can relate in the most mindful way possible and not accidentally project your way as the “right” way.

“When you apologize… you're not actually above or below the other person – you're equal to the person. That's what being truly empowered is, and that's the assumption that we're busting.” – Ann Kelley

Time Stamps for Busting Assumptions – Episode 188

3:30 – Navigating “intimacy hiccups”

9:03 – The importance of dropping ego during feedback

10:10 – Healthy relating example in parenting

16:36 – Softening your front to allow uncertainty

19:34 – Roles of cultural differences in assumptions

25:42 – The power in knowing how & when to apologize

CLICK HERE FOR BUSTING ASSUMPTIONS TRANSCRIPTS Episode 188  – Lightly edited for readability

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