Relationship-based Parenting: An Integration of Neurobiology, Attachment, Regulation & Discipline (192)

by | Nov 29, 2022 | Attachment, Brain Science, Episodes, Guest Interviews, Neuroscience, Parenting, Relationships, Therapy | 0 comments

Show Notes

Discipline is about teaching, not punishment. 

Children are sponges. They are constantly soaking up information about themselves, their relationships and their future.  And parents are the most powerful influences on these messages, so what we do really matters. Knowing this, sometimes we double down on trying to assert our wisdom, hammer a point home, or stop an unwanted behavior in it's tracks. After all, we want to raise kids who are kind, responsible, caring, and independent. The trouble is, if we are acting out of fear, being fueled by anger and reactivity, it's likely we aren't having the impact we truly desire. For kids to learn, they need to feel emotionally safe and cognitively open. For this to happen, parents need to start by cultivating their own self-awareness and emotion management.

In today's episode, learn powerful strategies for parenting even during the most difficult moments. Ann Kelley, Kat Scherer and Elizabeth Sylvester discuss ways of integrating attachment and neurobiology into disciplinary styles that work and build balance in our relationships. Throughout the episode, Dr. Scherer and Dr. Sylvester highlight some of their most effective parenting strategies discussed in their recent book, Relationship-Based Treatment of Children & Their Parents: An Integrative Guide to Neurobiology, Attachment, Regulation, and Discipline.  Specifically, they dive deep into the “7 Essential Attachment Needs” for children's optimal development, emphasize the importance of repair in relationships, and discuss the building blocks of secure parenting.

“When limits are set firmly, but kindly, this fuels healing in the attachment relationship.”  – Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester

Time Stamps for Relationship-based treatment

1:05 – Breaking down the title of their book, “Relationship-Based Treatment of Children & Their Parents”

4:43 – The integration between attachment and discipline

8:52 – Finding balance with a high-intense child

11:31 – Rethinking the way we view dysregulation

16:38 – The 7 essential attachment needs

24:58 – Recognizing the importance of “the repair”

35:47 – Discipline is learning

39:08 – The effects of “fear-based” discipline

45:08 – The role of “novelty and play”

51:49 – The power in empowered parenting

Resources for Relationship-based treatment

Relationship-Based Treatment – Youtube Channel

Website Link – Relationship-Based Treatment

The Nurtured Heart Institute – Website for the Nurtured Heart Approach

 mindGAINS – Website for the Global Association for Interpersonal Neurobiology Studies

Dr. Elizabeth A. Sylvester – Website

Dr. Kathy Scherer – Website

About Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester & Dr. Kat Scherer

Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester is a Psychologist and Educator working with children, parents, and families in Austin Texas for over 30 years. She is a practitioner of the Nurtured Heart Approach ®, and has completed advanced training in this system.  Her specialty is providing parent training and child psychotherapy for children and teens who are highly behaviorally and emotionally intense.  In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Sylvester facilitates training for professionals and the public on parenting, and child and adolescent psychotherapy.  She has a particular focus on the interaction of relationships and neurobiological development with mental health and behavior. She has presented in a variety of settings including universities, professional organizations, mental health agencies, and community organizations. In collaboration with Dr. Kathy Scherer (a founder of Austin IN Connection), she created the Heart & Work series of writings, presentations, and workshops. Dr. Sylvester is a co-founder of Austin Child Therapy, an organization whose mission is to support the work of pediatric mental health professionals in Austin.

Kathy (Kat) Scherer, Ph.D., MFT, C-IAYT is a Psychologist, Educator, and Author working in Austin for over 25 years. She is a psychotherapist in private practice and offers presentations on topics such as interpersonal neurobiology, family attachment, social-emotional development, and the application of yoga and meditation for stress management. Her presentations have been offered at a wide variety of settings including universities, professional conferences, community centers, and schools. Dr. Scherer is a co-founder of Austin IN Connection and its Family Matters program, both Austin area multidisciplinary organizations focused on emotional health and positive relational attachments. She co-hosts the Heart & Work Series of writings including two collaborative mental health blogs (with Drs. Holt & Sylvester):  Therapy Matters and Heart & Work of Parenting.

Episode Transcripts – 192 – Lightly edited for readability 

Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us!

Cozy Earth Bedding is made using the finest, premium viscose from highly sustainable bamboo. Their bedding is naturally-temperature-regulating, so you'll sleep comfy all year round. Plus, every Cozy Earth bedding item comes in a beautiful, reusable canvas bag! No gift wrapping is required! Cozy Earth also has a Luxurious LoungewearCollection from their ultra-soft lounge pants, tees, and pajamas for women…  to their popular joggers, pullover crews, and hoodies for men — Cozy Earth loungewear is designed to flatter every body type.  And check out their premium plush and waffle bath towels… you'll love those, too.SAVE forty percent NOW on Cozy Earth bedding, loungewear, pajamas, and towels. Hurry, the holiday offer ends soon. Go to Cozyearth.com/TU

We all know that gut health impacts mood and brain function, but what the heck do you do to support gut health?  We've got you covered by partnering with our sponsor, Athletic Greens product, AG1.  AG1 is Ann and Sue's go-to once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. As a TU Listener, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Plus, supporting our sponsors supports the show, so go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or click HERE

Recent Episodes

Let’s talk about it: A Pathway for Conversations & Meaningful Change on Climate with Dr. Anna Graybeal (Series, Ep 4, 205)

Let’s talk about it: A Pathway for Conversations & Meaningful Change on Climate with Dr. Anna Graybeal (Series, Ep 4, 205)

Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Anna Graybeal discuss the necessary steps to building security and embracing tough conversations within our communities. This conversation takes a scientific and therapy-based approach to guide us toward the big emotions around these topics and equips us with the tools to cope with uncertainties, and an opportunity to learn how to harness healthy discussions around the climate crisis. When we can address the resistance within ourselves, we can use that as fuel to unite and heal our planet, our well-being, and our relationships.

read more
Racial Trauma: Challenges to Traditional Therapy, Part 2 of 2 (SRIW Series, Ep 3, 204)

Racial Trauma: Challenges to Traditional Therapy, Part 2 of 2 (SRIW Series, Ep 3, 204)

This a continuation of our previous discussion with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley where we explore other lasting effects of racial trauma. From the challenges of parenting with an unresolved trauma history to navigating day-to-day as a person of color, they use group therapy as an opportunity to make space for women to vocalize their pain and build community. Gliceria and Debra share personal stories and real-life examples of microaggressions and discrimination and offer insightful ways white individuals can acknowledge their privilege and cultivate an inclusive community.

read more
Navigating Racial Trauma & Identity with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley Part 1 (SRIW Series, Ep 2, 203)

Navigating Racial Trauma & Identity with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley Part 1 (SRIW Series, Ep 2, 203)

This is part of the series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World AND the first of a 2-parter on racial trauma! BIPOC therapists tell the truth about their experiences – from corporate America to working in child protective services, this discussion is full of painful yet unfortunately common experiences of discrimination, intimidation, and blatant inequality. Gliceria Perez and Debra Chatman-Finley join Sue Marriott as they teach white therapists what it’s like for clients of color. They also model how to embrace these tough conversations to create a safe space in our communities. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

read more
Intergenerational Conversation on Climate with a Young Adult Homesteader (Secure Relating in an Insecure World, new series) Ep.202

Intergenerational Conversation on Climate with a Young Adult Homesteader (Secure Relating in an Insecure World, new series) Ep.202

Finding and maintaining connection and a sense of security in times of fear and general chaos is THE ultimate challenge.  This is a very special episode – co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott are joined by 24-year-old homesteader Mason Marriott-Voss, to discuss navigating big generational differences and re-building a sense of security in an uncertain world. This is the first of new series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World. See the resource-filled shownotes for today’s epsidode at www.therapistuncensored.com/202.

read more
Interpreting Dreams with a Jungian Lens: Unlocking a World Within Ourselves (201)

Interpreting Dreams with a Jungian Lens: Unlocking a World Within Ourselves (201)

Some dreams can feel insignificant, but can be a portal into a deeper understanding of who we are and what we need. When we drift off to sleep each night, we are unlocking a world within ourselves that can help us find healing and take a step towards building security. With Jungian Analysts Deborah Stewart, Lisa Marchiano and Joseph Lee, co-host Dr. Ann Kelley explores the significance of our dreams and the potential journeys of growth through a Jungian lens.

read more
Dreams: What do they really mean?  An open discussion with Ann & Sue (200)

Dreams: What do they really mean? An open discussion with Ann & Sue (200)

From weird dream fragments to unsettling nightmares, our associations to each dream can tell us a little bit more about our unconscious. Tapping into these deeper meanings can help us explore who we are and help us navigate from unsettledness in the dream back to security. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the power of association in dreams and connect those to our inner working models. For shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/200 to join our ad-free feed www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

read more
Exploring Internal Working Models with Ann & Sue (199)

Exploring Internal Working Models with Ann & Sue (199)

The care we receive in early development can be a strong indicator of who we become and how we interact. While it is mostly unconscious, our internal working models play a role in how we navigate our relationships with ourselves and others. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott use neuroscience and personal narratives to help make this science digestible and applicable in our daily lives.

read more
A Client’s Perspective on EMDR with Dr. Deborah Korn & Michael Baldwin (198)

A Client’s Perspective on EMDR with Dr. Deborah Korn & Michael Baldwin (198)

Michael Baldwin is an accomplished leader in the communications industry with over 35 years of experience. Despite his many successes, after years of suppressing his traumas, Baldwin reached a breaking point. Through his work with Dr. Jeffrey Magnavita, Baldwin’s life was transformed by the power of EMDR. He wanted to make the science digestible for all audiences and created visual “billboards” for various aspects of EMDR. After teaming up with EMDR specialist Dr. Deborah Korn, the two authored “Every Memory Deserves Respect” – a book dedicated to helping others understand and heal their traumas. In this discussion, Deborah Korn explores the ways that trauma may go unnoticed, the ways it stores in our bodies, and common fears that are expressed when beginning the EMDR process. As an experienced client, Michael Baldwin is able to provide personal and meaningful ways that EMDR has improved his quality of life, relationships, and confidence.

read more
What Tiny Humans Can Teach Us About Adult Relating, with Neonatal Therapist Sue Ludwig (197)

What Tiny Humans Can Teach Us About Adult Relating, with Neonatal Therapist Sue Ludwig (197)

As a certified Neonatal Therapist, Sue Ludwig has dedicated her life to not only the physical development but the emotional development of her patients. Ludwig brings intentionality to each moment by strategically working to regulate patients’ nervous systems during their time in the NICU. Her process focuses on the interconnection of the mind and body and aims to support the child’s development in vulnerable situations. She explains the importance of proper technique to avoid disrupting the nervous system, and the long-term effects on neurodevelopment. Through her personal and professional journeys, Sue Ludwig has learned the value of being present in small moments to build deeper connections and experience lasting results.

read more
Whole Brain Living, Psychology + Neuroanatomy + Spirit with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor – REPLAY (195)

Whole Brain Living, Psychology + Neuroanatomy + Spirit with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor – REPLAY (195)

Integrating psychology, neurobiology and spiritual awakening – this episode will inspire you as it has the 26 million viewers of the TED Talk, Stroke of Insight. Using neuroanatomy and her deep insights from a serious stroke, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor and Sue Marriott discuss the 4 interpersonal skill subsets in the brain. Also find out more about Whole Brain Living and the various ways it can be applied across the multiple settings by getting in touch with Bolte-Taylor. This a a must-not-miss replay from 2022, find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/195, www.therapistuncensored.com/join to get an ad-free feed and join the online community.

read more
Calling In the Call-Out Culture with Loretta J. Ross – REPLAY (194)

Calling In the Call-Out Culture with Loretta J. Ross – REPLAY (194)

“Call-out culture” – a term coined within the last few years, but a concept that has existed long before. With a society immersed in technology, there are many positives about the seemingly never-ending conversation, but with the increase in connection, there’s also an increase in the ability to speak negatively to and about one another. How do we educate others without tearing them down? In a divided world, changing our approach can help create social change. Loretta J. Ross, an activist, professor, and self-proclaimed “professional feminist” has dedicated years of her life to understanding how and why this culture has evolved. Follow along in her insightful discussion with co-host, Sue Marriott as they explore the intentions behind these actions, the root of the issue, and how to more effectively “call-in” without “calling out” using the “Five C Continuum” process.

read more

What else do you want to learn today?

Get Your Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS)Bundle

3 videos, 3 handouts, and 7 podcast episodes to get you started on your path toward secure relating.

Success! Please check your inbox to confirm your subscription and access your starter pack.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This