Secure Relating, Not the Same as Secure Attachment with Ann & Sue (190)

by | Nov 2, 2022 | Attachment, Brain Science, Episodes, Mindfulness, modern attachment regulation spectrum, Personal Growth, Polyvagal Theory, Relationships, Therapy | 0 comments

Show Notes

Navigate more securely no matter where you start. Learn to deepen interpersonal connections, heal trauma and even add enjoyment through secure relating!

This podcast gives you truly deep dives into attachment and helpful tools to build comfort with intimacy.  Is it possible to have unresolved trauma and still be operating securely in various relationships? Absolutely!!

You don't have to be totally healed from years of therapy under your belt or a history of secure attachment to develop skills for increased intimacy and secure relating. This is something that anybody, no matter their history, can begin to learn. Channeling your inner awareness to recognize a heightened state of arousal or using visualizations to help stay in a regulated place helps tap into your right brain to connect with yourself and your humanity. Ann and Sue navigate their personal examples, self-regulating tips, breaking out of their defensive “competitive head”, and many more useful strategies to explore the ways we can move in the direction of secure connections.

“Even if you have a history that leads you to trend toward preoccupied, dismissive or avoidant relating, with effort and practice opening up you can learn to relate from a secure base.” – Dr. Ann Kelley

Time Stamps for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment 

3:06 – Introduction to attachment patterns

8:53 – Acknowledging the fluctuation of the attachment spectrum

11:56 – The definition of secure relating

27:09 – Using visualizations as a regulation tactic

29:01 – Abandoning your “competitive head”

34:13 – Utilizing the word “bookmark”

37:36 – The importance of preparing yourself for tough conversations

40:45 –  Implementing Gottman's “soft starts”

42:45 – Navigating the coexistence of complex feelings

Episode Resources for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment

“How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Starts” – Gottman Institute Article

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Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment Transcripts  Lightly edited for readability

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