TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change

by | Jul 8, 2021 | Attachment, Brain Science, Episodes, modern attachment regulation spectrum, Neuroscience, Therapy | 0 comments

Show Notes

Attachment today

In today's episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley provide an overview of the Modern Attachment – Regulation Spectrum – a model developed to integrate the varied attachment research, relational neuroscience, and the impact of culture & context. In this episode, they discuss what they call BAMA and the 3 R’s, which will come out in more detail in a book they've been working on for, well, quite awhile – so they just tell you the ideas here. 🙂  They also dig into attachment theory, internal working models, and states of being versus personality structure as they relay some of what they've learned in the past 5 seasons. It's a packed episode to summarize some of the 5 years this podcast has been produced. 

Note: This podcast is a labor of love, and our patrons keep us free of corporate ads – thank you. We don't sell anything except this course below on the attachment spectrum, which we created due to many requests. We aren't here for a profit, just to keep up with production costs so if you can't afford it, just contact us and tell us what you can pay.  We want everyone to have access that wants it. And, we need to support production of the show, so thanks for any support, shares, reviews or what we'd really love – to also join as a patron.

Attachment Spectrum Course

Ok, Sue and Ann developed this a while back and need to update it. However, it is power-packed course that goes into much more detail than they could on the podcast – it's 4 hours! long. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, sign up by clicking below, and use OURCLAN as a discount promo code. For therapist, 3 CE hours are available.

It's Not Me, It's My Amygdala!

You can't change your unconcious internal models unless you recognize them.

BAMA – Biology, Attachment, Maps, & Adult Attachment

BAMA refers to the developmental unfolding of what has been called attachment. 

This represents the developmental unfolding of what eventually we call adult attachment.

Biology – we have a nervous nervous system that requires an older, wiser nervous system to help us feel safe. Polyvagal theory, affective co-regulation, mirror neurons and the 7 circuits of emotion are all online from birth, adjusting and responding to our environment. 

Attachment- the first A refers specifically to infant attachment research. Think John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth – or pre-dating them think of Konrad Lorenz and his geese, and Hary Harlow and his monkeys with their wire mothers which demonstrated we need more than milk, or food, to survive.  We need a relationship.  The Strange Situation was an original research instrument that validated Bowbly’s ideas and recognized the categories they later termed as Insecure-Avoidant, Secure, Insecure-Preoccupied and Disorganized Attachment. 

Maps are formed when patterns are established based on repeated experiences of the child's biological drive for emotional safety.   Neural wiring forms to effectively create safety from 6 months to 3 years, and behavioral strategies develop from this basic biology to keep the caregiver close and available. The key here is “available” – some parents are fine being close but should their infant appear distressed or upset with them, they defend, avoid and reject the “needy” baby.  That, my friends, makes them emotionally unavailable, so the toddler learns quickly what to do and what not to do to keep the caregiver open and responsive.  In this case that may mean repressing expressing negative emotions, pushing away needs, and doubling down on the value of self-reliance.  This reduces the unconscious threat in the parent, thus keeping them as available as the toddler can make them. Notice though the whole drive is to create as much closeness as possible, and the internal working model, or map, helps navigate the way. These maps, also called internal working models, are the key to change.  They set us on a trajectory of development that becomes self-reinforcing – if I see the world as unsafe I behave accordingly and thus make the world less safe which confirms my original hypothesis.  Or, I see the world as just fine but myself as unlovable and undeserving, thus I look for evidence supporting this worldview and unconsciously co-create the very experience I most fear. Rejection and abandonment closely follow because while we think we are seeking closeness, our grabbing and not allowing ourselves to be soothed actually causes us to eventually be rejected, the exact thing we unconsciously predict is going to happen anyway. 

Adult Attachment, Finally the last A in BAMA. This represents us, now.  We are all grown up on one hand, but we carry forward our shaped nervous system, behavioral strategies, and unconscious maps to navigate the relational world. We love, fight, bond, mate, and parent from the trajectory of the BAM in BAMA – Biology, Attachment and then Maps, or attachment representations.  

You need to go through the “Oh God” to get to the realization.

The 3 R’s of healing attachment 

This is one of many versions of the overall path to healing and recovery.  It names stages but doesn’t identify specifically how to’s just yet.  Instead, this is the basic scaffolding that is recognized in many models including Fonagy, Elliott & Brown, Siegel, and addiction research – pre-contemplation, contemplation, and change. 

  1.  Recognize – you can’t even begin to relate securely until you value current and historically emotional relating.  If the problem is just your partner, you haven’t begun the journey. Get curious, reflect – we notoriously over-index on the other being a problem and under-index on how difficult we are and how distorted and self-serving our perceptions can be.  Once we begin to recognize that our early experience may be shaping how we relate today, then we can get started.  Recognition is global – in general, do you find value in being curious and reflective about human connection?  It is also individualistic – can you get curious about how you affect others. How other's reactions play into the next response.  How you recoil at someone crying… what’s THAT about?  Or how you have trouble noticing what she’s done for you and only mark how she’s missed you.  Once we can begin to value this exploration and begin to see that there are larger forces at play than our small left-brain conscious rational minds… only then can we proceed to incorporate the second R. 
  2. Re-examine – now that we are on to ourselves, not always trusting other's perceptions over our own, or realizing we don’t trust anyone but ourselves, then we have hope for change.
  3. Rewire – This is not a metaphor, you can literally use your new thinking to change your experience.  You can update your mind, which changes your brain, which then changes your relational experience and perception. 

What's something that you know isn't true, is inhereted from your history, but you can't quite let it go? More importantly, what is true that you want to replace it with? OK, let's get busy doing just that!

 

In this episode:

Episode 149 Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – an integrated model of changeDiscussing the overall podcast, tying everything together.

The Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum

Explaining the 3 Rs.

Explaining BAMA

Understanding how attachment has evolved.

Why a continuum

Internal working models

The various color stages for the internal working model of attachment. (Blue, Red, Green, Yellow)

Tye-Dye, a mention of unregulated stress, and why we need to organize.

 

Don't forget to join our Facebook Group, if you'd like to continue this conversation with other people!

Want more on modern attachment?  Not sure you need it if you heard this episode but here are other one's like it!

TU126 – What Do We Mean by Modern Attachment? Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley Discuss

TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates

TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined

Pre-orders are officially available!  Get it now to join in the fun when it arrives April, 2024.

 

 

 

Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation

We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Recent Episodes

The Neuroscience Behind Our Collective Dysregulation: Navigating Today’s Social Crisis (232)

The Neuroscience Behind Our Collective Dysregulation: Navigating Today’s Social Crisis (232)

We can understand our social pain by considering the nervous system, just think of it as a collective amygdala hijack!  Threat is pressing us to live in an alarm state and then we get used to it, as if it’s normal to be so divided, hopeless and disdainful to those who are holding different positions in the world. We need to cultivate secure (mature) relating to move ourselves back into a social, relational place that makes us more generous, compassionate and able to work with complexity to stay engaged to solve some of these pressing world and community issues. Keep hope alive! Iwww.therapistuncensored.com/join

read more
Hypnosis for Healing: Understanding the Powerful Science with Dr. David Spiegel (231)

Hypnosis for Healing: Understanding the Powerful Science with Dr. David Spiegel (231)

Join Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. David Spiegel as they dive into the benefits and misconceptions of hypnosis. Hypnosis is a state of highly focused attention and cognitive flexibility, allowing individuals to explore new possibilities. Whether it’s trouble with sleep, intense anxiety, or a need to break bad habits, hypnosis has proven to be an effective tool for many. Dr. Spiegel has dedicated years of research and emphasizes the importance of accessibility to hypnosis in our healthcare systems. His app R E V E R I has over 1 million downloads and allows you to rewire your brain, conquer negative habits, and achieve personal growth from home.

read more
Mind, Body, Heart, Spirit: Embodying Liberation Psychology with Dr. Shena Young (230)

Mind, Body, Heart, Spirit: Embodying Liberation Psychology with Dr. Shena Young (230)

Join co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Shena Young as they dive into liberation psychology and the conflict between intuition and the traditional European model of psychology. Dr. Shena highlights embodying a holistic approach to help heal traumas and deeply root us in our most authentic selves. Whether through connections with nature and/or the exploration of ancestral traditions, this discussion is enriched with various opportunities to reconnect and liberate our mind, body, heart, and spirit.

read more
Setting Boundaries that Stick with Juliane Taylor Shore (229)

Setting Boundaries that Stick with Juliane Taylor Shore (229)

We’re back with long-time friend of the podcast and expert, Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP. As we reflect on our episode from six years ago on boundaries, we dive into new knowledge and how we can create boundaries that stick. Juliane Taylor Shore blends
her original methods like “the jello wall” with new research to share exciting and thoughtful insight on how through boundaries we can harness compassion in our relationships with others and ourselves.

read more
Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 2, Episode 228)

Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 2, Episode 228)

This is part two of a two-part series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. This episode features challenging yet important conversations on active anti-racist practices, exploration of oppression, and dismantling whiteness in mental health structures. Melody emphasizes the need for white clinicians to examine their own complicity in upholding oppressive systems and to listen to and center the experiences of marginalized communities. They also highlight the interconnectedness of healing and the power of collective liberation through rehumanizing.

read more
Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 1, Episode 227)

Decolonizing Mental Health Delivery with Melody Li (Part 1, Episode 227)

series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. We are pushing for more inclusive, anti-racist, and decolonialized practices.The conversation is  challenging but important as we explore liberation psychology that helps us recognize and unlearn patterns of thinking that are rooted in colonization and European Western education. You may not agree with everything this guest says but you will learn something and likely feel quite a lot. Discomfort is a necessary part of liberating ourselves from engrained traditional patriarchal and white supremist thinking that continues to harm so many. Don’t forget to help us reach our goal – if you appreciate TU, then please pre-order your copy of Secure Relating today & help raise the bar of secure relating in the world. www.SecureRelatingBook.com

read more
A Neuroscience-Proven Expressive Writing Protocol with Dr. James Pennebaker (225)

A Neuroscience-Proven Expressive Writing Protocol with Dr. James Pennebaker (225)

Co-hosts Ann and Sue discuss this powerful tool directly with the original researcher, Dr. James Pennebaker. While expressive writing is not a simple “elixir” to cure mental or physical illness, Dr. Pennebaker has dedicated years of research and found it to be an effective method of healing for many people. Going straight for the hardest memory is hard, but replicates many techniques used by therapists yet without the cost and accessibility barriers. www.therapistuncensored.com/tu225. www.securerelatingbook.com

read more
How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Juliane Taylor Shore – REPLAY (224)

How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Juliane Taylor Shore – REPLAY (224)

Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary-setting. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and regulation. We’ll explore the three types of boundaries, how to co-create them plus how to stay regulated using internalized relationships with the self.

read more
Believing Chronic Fatigue – Living with Long Covid, ME/CFS (Myalgic Encepholomyelitis) and Hard to Diagnose Chronic Illnesses (223)

Believing Chronic Fatigue – Living with Long Covid, ME/CFS (Myalgic Encepholomyelitis) and Hard to Diagnose Chronic Illnesses (223)

25.6% of adults who have had COVID-19 report having experienced long Covid (source). While there are a variety of symptoms and severities that come with the illness, it doesn’t
erase the physical and mental toll it can take on one’s life. In this episode, Ann and Sue take their research as well as personal experience with the illness and discuss the stigmas, advocating for your health, being a supportive caregiver, and secure relating in regards to chronic disease.

read more
Trailblazers in Love: Understanding & Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community with Jeff Lutes (222)

Trailblazers in Love: Understanding & Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community with Jeff Lutes (222)

We are kicking off the new year with a special conversation between co-host Sue Marriott and special guest Jeff Lutes. Both members of the LGBTQ+ community, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. While there has been some progress, the LGBTQ+ community still actively faces discrimination. Whether you’re a practicing therapist with clients in the community or have LGBTQ-identifying loved ones, this episode is for you. Through a personal and professional lens, this conversation offers new perspectives and shines a light on the significance of staying educated and being an active voice.

read more
TU 2023 Year in Review: Building Internalized Secure Voices (221)

TU 2023 Year in Review: Building Internalized Secure Voices (221)

We explored many ideas this year and despite the variety of topics we found a consistent theme – nurturing secure relating in an insecure world. From interviews with our oldest son on the climate crisis to the power of awe in everyday life, we were met with rich conversations and endless opportunities to grow. As we close out 2023 with gratitude, Ann and Sue look back at important episodes from this year, review lessons learned, and exciting announcements to come in 2024.

read more

What else do you want to learn today?

Get Your Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS)Bundle

3 videos, 3 handouts, and 7 podcast episodes to get you started on your path toward secure relating.

Success! Please check your inbox to confirm your subscription and access your starter pack.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This