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What is secure attachment and how can I grow my own capacity for security?
We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies – preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset – it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings. In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others.
Security feels like: ‘people are generally trustworthy, and so am I' – Dr. Ann Kelley
Time Stamps for Secure Attachment
2:06 – What does security look like?
2:39 – Reminder of red and blue meanings in attachment
6:46 – Sue’s Bigfoot attachment analogy
8:27 – A secure attachment base is not the same as feeling securely attached
9:19 – The importance of integration and security
12:23 – Example of “joining” in conversation
19:39 – Understanding the attachment continuum
27:40 – Interactive questions to gauge your security
34:47 – Insightful questions to ask peers about influence
37:11 – Sue’s physical queues to know she’s in the green
39:37 – The role of curiosity in your green state
43:18 – Tracking your activation exercise
Resources for Secure Attachment
TU151: Secure Parenting While Under Stress with Dan Siegel & Tina Payne-Bryson REPLAY
Secure Relating, Not the Same as Secure Attachment with Ann & Sue (190)
TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change
Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue – Transcripts
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