In this episode of Therapist Uncensored:
Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective!
Why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?!
- Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable.
Being “In the Know” vs “In the Unknown”
- When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain.
The neuroscience of curiosity
- A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand.
Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety
- How does our attachment style affect our experience?
- If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum?
- If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious.
- If we’re on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity?
People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested.
You get to be curious about your therapist.
Tips to cultivate curiosity:
- Train your brain
- Be aware of what’s happening in your body
- Recognizing judgment
- Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure.
- Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions.
- Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together.
- Cultivate wonder and awe.
To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to:
TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off?
TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment
TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment
TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates
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